Incoherent Ramblings of a Mad Man

It’s not what you do

2012-01-27T11:59:00.001-05:00

Everyone needs to feel valued. Everyone needs to feel like their contributions to the world are important.

I started thinking about some people who made great contributions to the world. People like Abraham Lincoln, Albert Einstein, Gaudi, Socrates, etc. Many people are remembered through history as those that changed the world. These are the people we want to emulate.

Is it really what they did that is so important?

If Lincoln had never existed does anyone think that slavery would exist today? If not for Einstein would we still not understand the principles of a relative universe?

These guys were on the cutting edge of a new paradigm, but would the paradigm shift have taken place without them?

I think it would have.

Sure some other leading physicist would have discovered relativity without Einstein, but would he have the hair? Would he inspire generations with his thoughtful analysis of the ramifications of his discoveries? Would he exude the childlike wonder for the universe?

I think that’s the real contribution that we make. Not our achievements. Not our conquests. Our real value lies in how we go about our journey.

It’s not what you do. It’s how you do it.

All Aboard

2011-04-24T12:43:00.000-04:00

This weekend was my first time traveling by train. This has been a goal of mine for many years now, so I hopped aboard an Amtrak for a nice little jaunt from Seattle to Vancouver, British Columbia.

There is something very nostalgic about traveling by rail. The laxidasical pace is part of it I guess. You are probably not in a hurry if you are going very far. I found it extremely relaxing watching the hills roll by, while sipping a coffee and listening to the grating of metal on metal wafting from below. Every so often, an air horn reminds you of your present circumstances in case you drift too far away.

You notice the relaxed state of your fellow passengers as well. This stands in stark contrast to the hectic nature of air travel, where everyone is stressed and packed as tightly as possible into a tin can. The fact that you can stand up without bumping your head even if you have the audacity to stand taller than five-five certainly helps as well.

Maybe it is because of the carefree mood, but it’s possible to carry on an enjoyable conversation with your neighbors on a train. And, if you find yourself bored silly, you can always excuse yourself to the dining car to find a more enjoyable colloquy.

Listening can be fun too.

Little English girl to her brother, “Yes, we are going to Seattle. That is where they make all of the coffee.”

So as I publish this blog over the free wi-fi network courtesy of Amtrak (and freely check my voice mail and text messages on my phone) I can’t help but dread my upcoming flight home. For the next few hours, though, I will just sit back and enjoy the scenery.

Moore of the Same

2011-03-16T23:09:00.000-04:00

I rarely get really pissed off about politics. I generally find the fascination with how everything works overcomes any anger at their incompetentcy.

I can’t do it this time.

I graduated from the University of South Carolina in 1997. While working I attended the graduate business program and earned a masters degree in business.

During my pursuit for an MBA, Darla Moore contributed $25 million to the business school. Are you kidding me? $25 Million? What did she want? She wanted the business school to be a top school in the world. She saw the potential. It was her alma mater as well, so I understand where she was coming from.

She was appointed to the board of trustees and the business school was subsequently named the Moore School of Business.

It’s not like Ms. Moore was the first woman ever to be featured on the cover of Fortune magazine. Oh yeah...she was. She has plenty of credentials. In 2004 she pledged another $45 million to the school. She also gave $10 million to Clemson University (the bitter rival of her alma mater) in her husband’s name.

Someone as accomplished and well respected who has contributed both her money and her time to the University....how can you repay her?

Throw her off the board and put one of your buddies there.

That is apparently the opinion of Nikki Haley, governor of the state.

South Carolina State Rep. Boyd Brown - (D) Fairfield - issued a statement on Moore's ouster late Tuesday night.

"Like many South Carolinians and USC graduates, I am certainly disappointed in Governor Haley's decision to remove Darla Moore from the USC Board of Trustees, and to replace her with a campaign contributor," Brown said. "Moore has given her finances, time and energy to improve not only her alma mater, but the State of South Carolina. Not only is Governor Haley's action dumb and immature, but it certainly calls her ethics into question.”

I won’t call Nikki’s ethics into question, but her intelligence is definitely lacking. South Carolininans, you deserve better.

Beginnings

2011-03-15T21:47:00.000-04:00

I learned from my good friend, Gae, that you can never have a new beginning without loss.

This week I move into my new home. I have rented for five years following my divorce, so this is a pretty exciting time for me. Still, I am aware of the loss of what I currently have.

For one, my rental property affords me the pleasure of hearing the ocean as I write this. My budget does not allow me to purchase such a place (although I can still hear a faint rumbling from several blocks away.)

It made me think of all of the things I will lose by leaving. It doesn’t mean I don’t want to leave. It just means I acknowledge what I have lost. I lost a place that was the first place that I consciously and deliberately chose to move into after my marriage. I lost a place where I got to know my niece while she lived with me for a short time, and a place I got to know a sweetheart for a shorter time. I lost a place where my daughter told me she wanted to move in with me.

All of those things I grieve. I mourn for the things I have lost. As I mourn I look forward to the new adventures that await me.

This makes me happy.

Orange Moon Rising

2010-06-28T10:34:00.009-04:00

I watched an orange moon rise on the ocean. I was enveloped in thunderclouds without a drop of rain.

I lost a friend once again, only to discover he was merely briefly (in the grand scheme of things) misplaced.

New friends were met. Old friends were greeted. I was kissed by the ocean and woke with sand in my sheets.

That, my friends, is a good weekend.

Father Knows Best

2010-06-20T09:15:00.005-04:00

It is time once again to celebrate the Fathers among us. Yes, those tall people from our childhood who contributed so much to our growth and development. Fathers have a specialized skill set that may seem strange and disturbing to some. Here is a tribute to some of the things Dad does best!

Telling Tall Tales (aka scaring the bejesus out of your kids)

Whether it's the ghost that lives in between the walls, the wookalar that lives in the woods, or convincing your kids they have to parachute out of the commercial jet on which they are traveling. The emotional scars inflicted by your creative genius will last a lifetime.

Teaching the importance of the butterfly bandage

That gash in your knee may appear to need a dozen stitches to your mother, but Dad knows that a little iodine and a butterfly bandage will work wonders. Don't forget that those scars will be a conversation starter one day.

Instilling a sense of sportsmanship

Yes he does a little victory dance when he wins at board games. He performs an impromptu "Who's your daddy" rap when he takes you out on the XBox. He may pout and refuse to acknowledge your existence the first time you manage to one-up him in any competitive endeavor. All this he does for your own edification.

Helping you grow up

"Life's not fair", "Want me to call the wahmbulance?" and "Never trust a women/man who..." may sound harsh at first, but these idioms are classic dad tools designed to assist in your transition to adulthood.

Here's to all of the Fathers out there. Keep up the good work!

My dream for the day after health care reform

2010-03-21T20:27:00.009-04:00

So the health care reform bill is now law. I dream of a transformational result.

The dream isn't about health care. It's not about helping those in need. It's not about some political result.

I dream we can stop the fear mongering.

I had hoped we could get beyond it after Obama was elected. We heard for so long about how the world would end if this Muslim president was elected. I thought when he was elected and the sun kept rising in the morning that people would begin to realize they are being manipulated.

There are those that have a big interest in these types of events. They stand to win or lose a lot of money or power as a result of them. The people are different depending on the issue, but they have all been doing the same thing to us.

They have been trying to scare us into doing what is in their best interest.

Now health care reform has passed. I think it will do some good. What I know it won't do is end the world as we know it.

My dream is that the next time we have an issue that needs to be addressed that we won't listen to the fear mongers when they come at us. I dream that we can discuss our differences of opinion without believing that the other side is evil or stupid and will irreparably harm us if our side loses.

A guy can dream.

The Truth About Socialized Medicine

2010-03-21T14:54:00.006-04:00

Big government is here, and they are coming for your health care this time. The time-honored principles upon which this country was founded are under assault. Let's look at what this so-called "Health Care Reform" bill would actually do.

Insurers would be required to provide coverage for non-dependent children up to age 26.

Insurance companies are people, too. That's what the Supreme Court ruled. The government has no right to put these kinds of mandates on people. Recent college graduates need to either pony up for their own policy or do without. If they happen to develop a serious illness while uninsured it serves them right. Health care is a privilege not a right.

Total out-of-pocket expenses would be limited, and insurance companies would be prevented from denying coverage for pre-existing conditions. Insurers would be barred from canceling coverage for sick people, as well as charging higher premiums based on a person's gender or medical history.

Insurance companies should be able to deny coverage to whomever they wish. If they can't then just any sick person is going to be able to have coverage regardless of their financial status. This is blatantly anti-American.

We can't just treat everyone. Priority should be given to those of wealth and status. After all, our founding fathers didn't give equal rights to slaves. Why should we treat sick poor people the same as we treat sick wealthy people? These wealthy people have earned the right to be treated. If poor people want the same level of care they need to get off of their lazy asses and get a job.

A 40 percent tax would be imposed on insurance companies providing "Cadillac" health plans valued at more than $10,200 for individuals and $27,500 for families. The tax would kick in starting in 2018.

This is perhaps the most troubling aspect of this "reform". People with high income levels are going to be restricted from having "Cadillac" plans. What does this really mean?

What it means is doctors and hospitals are going to be forced to treat patients based on the severity of their condition and not based on their wealth. I don't know if I can live in a country like that.

We all know that the life and health of a crack baby is not nearly as valuable as that of a wealthy business executive. We are now going to make the wealthy business person with joint pain wait in line behind the welfare mother with a heart condition. This is simply not right.

There are many other aspects of the bill that I can't cover here due to the massive size of the legislation. They are all equally troubling and follow the same pattern. Insurance companies are literally not going to be able to dump people when they get sick, and they are not going to be able to deny them coverage if they are a risky bet.

The tea party activists have it right. Just like our founding fathers protested against taxation without representation they are protesting against medical treatment without consideration of class, age, wealth, health, or status.

What a noble cause.

Irish Eyes are Smiling

2010-03-17T08:01:00.000-04:00

So, St. Patty’s Day is upon us again. Normally, I spend this holiday in a drunken stupor, which I’ve come to realize is not a great tribute to the fine traditions of Ireland. To make up for all of those years that I’ve stumbled from bar to bar singing off-key the wrong words to Irish drinking songs I’ve decided to post a tribute to my Irish brethren. Here are some of my favorites of all things Irish.

Denis Leary

You’ve got to love Denis Leary. I crack up just looking at him. Here’s what he said about his religious beliefs.

“I`m a lapsed catholic in the best sense of the word… My parents, you know, prayed all the time, took us to mass. And my father would sometimes swear in Gaelic. It doesn`t get more religious than that.”

Kiss Me I’m Irish Shirts

Best marketing campaign ever! Beautiful women begging to be kissed? Are you kidding me? Whenever I see a chick wearing this shirt I lay one on her. Glorious tradition.

The Lucky Charms Guy

Whenever I see this little dude I just want to dance a jig. I’m sure the Irish get sick of him, but c’mon. He’s the lucky charms dude.

Grace Kelly

If I need to explain this one to you…well, I can’t help you.

Guinness

So we’ve made it back full circle, and as always we seem to end on alcohol. Now that I think about it, stumbling from bar to bar singing Irish drinking songs is really a compliment to the culture. Let’s face it. Without all of the booze most people wouldn’t give a rat’s ass about St. Patricks day. So, raise your glasses my friends and repeat after me.

Here’s to a long life and a merry one.
A quick death and an easy one.
A pretty girl and an honest one.
A cold pint– and another one!

I love St. Patty’s day.

I caused the financial crisis!

2010-01-31T13:22:00.001-05:00

I have something that I need to get off my chest. You’ve heard lots of explanations for how we got into this financial crisis. Subprime mortgages, credit default swaps, housing bubbles, blah, blah, blah.

It was me. I caused the financial crisis.

How did I cause the financial crisis you might ask? Here’s the deal. Banks kept giving me money, and trust me I know how to spend money. Not only did they give me money, but they didn’t even ask a whole lot of questions about how I was going to manage to pay it back.

Now anyone who knows me knows that I need supervision. I can dream up all kinds of cool stuff, but I have to be reigned in from time to time. I have been known to put together vast and elegant solutions that are wholly impractical.

So there you have it. It was me. I did it, and you’d better watch out...because I’ll do it again.

Roundabouts...they're not for everybody

2010-01-24T15:27:00.004-05:00

A big part of my ramblings are devoted to educating those ignorant fools out there who just don’t get it. Just one of the many ways that I give back to my community.

Today’s public service announcement is devoted to roundabouts.

You know what a roundabout is, right? It’s an intersection (usually four ways) where all points of entry yield to one another.

The operative word here folks is YIELD. A roundabout is not a four-way stop!

I feel certain that I am going to witness or participate in a stabbing, shooting, strangling or some other act of violence caused by this fundamental lack of understanding.

If you have any further questions on how this complex traffic pattern operates please feel free to ask. I will be waiting my turn in the roundabout behind grandma.

It’s a whole nother thing

2010-01-19T18:13:00.001-05:00

I’m not a huge stickler about using proper grammar. I’m really not. I have been known to occasionally split an infinitive. Ending a sentence with a preposition isn’t something that I get angry at.

Considering my lackadaisical attitude toward grammar my writings might even contain a dangling participle or two.

Can we draw the line at inserting a modifier into the middle of a word?

If not, I would like to suggest some equally descriptive phrases.

a wow stonishing

a loud nnouncement

the great saurus

a flat bdomen (the b is silent)

Feel free to use these new phrases in ordinary conversation. People might think you’re weird, but that’s a whole nother issue.

The future is now

2010-01-16T13:52:00.001-05:00

Remember when we were kids and we watched the futuristic shows on TV? I was so excited for the time when we had the conveyor belts that dressed you in the morning like in the Jetsons. The flying cars and hoverboards were awesome too.

I was traveling to California this week, and I noticed quite a few areas where we just have not lived up to the Jetson/Star Trek/Back to the Future standard.

Elevators

They don’t zoom you around. They don’t make cool whooshing noises when the doors open and close. You can’t even turn off a button once you press it. How advanced does your technology need to be in order to allow deselecting a floor?

Lines

I really thought that in the future we could eliminate waiting in line. I don’t know why I assumed this, except that waiting blows.

Airplanes

I don’t know exactly how this should be handled, but I’m pretty sure the way we fly around is fucked up. Do we really need to take up cabin space with overhead bags? Is there not some way that we could arrange to give enough leg room that those of us over 5 feet tall don’t get deep vein thrombosis? I also thought by now we would all be debarking by way of trap door in the floor.

Road travel

Even when we try to apply modern technology we screw it up. I’m sitting at a ramp to get on the freeway, and I’m waiting on this traffic light. (Sorry Californians, but we don’t have these in Florida.) The light goes from red to green to red like a blinker allowing one car through at a time. Think about this for a minute. Does this technological advancement remind you of anything? It’s called a stop sign. If only we could come up with a device that allows a free flow of traffic where one lane yields to another…

As I was trying to charge my iPhone in my rental car (unsuccessfully because the port was made for an iPod) I came to this sobering conclusion. The future is never coming. Sorry folks. I’m pretty sure that future technology is going to be geared around erections, boobs, fast food, and Paris Hilton. I was really looking forward to that transporter too.

2009 Year in Review

2009-12-31T09:01:00.006-05:00

Well, friends, another year is almost in the tank. I would like to thank my good friends Mr. Daniels and Mr. Bombay for their help throughout the year. They have provided valuable insight into life, love, and happiness as always.

Now we again come to that special time when friends come together for the most time-honored tradition; getting plowed and making promises. You can almost feel the good will building as the clock ticks its way down to midnight. The euphoria builds to a crescendo as the new year crashes in and you kiss the prettiest girl you can reach.

Then the hangover sets in.

Before we get to all of that though I thought I would reflect on my 2009 experience. It was wild. It was wacky. Let's reflect, shall we?

Moved to the Beach

Yes friends it may seem like I've lived here all my life, but I moved to my beachside cabana in February of 2009. Best move ever!

Had a luau (AKA: AdamFest 2009)

How can you live at the beach and not have a luau. Oh, and I now have a ukulele that I will be strumming at next year's event. It's gonna be sweet!

Another road trip

This time it was my boy and me on the open road. We braved the swamps of Louisiana, the cornfields of Kansas, and the Wal-Mart shoppers of Arkansas, but we made to Sioux City, Iowa to see the Counting Crows.

Changed Jobs (again)

I did such a great job with my promotion last year that they...um...well, they asked me to go back to doing my old job. Just keep the paychecks coming, brothers.

Finally got to use that "In a relationship" status on Facebook

What can I say? I'm smitten.

Happy New Year to you all, my friends. I look forward to sharing many adventures in 2010. Let's get started!

I’m Just Sayin’

2009-12-19T11:16:00.002-05:00

Few phrases make my skin crawl as much as the ever popular “I’m Just Sayin’.” Maybe this isn’t a new term, but it seems like I’m seeing it more and more lately.

What the fuck does this mean?

I realize that you’re just saying whatever it is you’re saying. I never thought you were also performing an interpretive dance.

I guess what your are really trying to say is “Don’t hold me responsible for anything I said, because I’m just running my mouth.” Kind of like “with all due respect.”

As in “With all due respect, you’re a real douchebag.”

So, CNN is even getting into it. That should be your cue folks to drop this phrase from your repertoire. Jon Stewart says it better than I ever could.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c

CNN's Just Sayin'

www.thedailyshow.com

Daily Show
Full Episodes

Political Humor

Health Care Crisis

Please people. You are taking years off of my life with every utterance of this phrase. I want to poke out my eyes every time I read it. I have a nearly uncontrollable urge to stick a pair of cockroaches in my ears every time I hear it. End the madness!

I’m just sayin’.

It’s all about me!

2009-12-07T12:49:00.001-05:00

So today is my birthday, and what better reason is there to blather incoherently?

Today’s rambling is devoted to my new idea for birthdays. I will warn you that I have expressed this opinion to many, and all without exception have found it to be completely without merit.

What else is new?

So it seems to me that one of my friends is always having a birthday. You have to get a gift, organize a party, give a speech, etc.

I think that the birthday responsibilities should lie with the person who is celebrating the birthday.

Think about it. One day a year you have to worry about birthday celebrations. That’s it!

You throw yourself a party, get a cake, buy yourself gifts, and invite all of your friends to watch you open them! You get exactly what you want, and your friends don’t have to go to any trouble. They just show up and have a good time.

It’s a brave new world people. Let’s turn it upside down!

Here’s to you!

2009-10-24T15:09:00.001-04:00

I just thought I’d give a shout out to those people who have made my life more interesting lately. You have gone above and beyond in contributing to the epic story of my wanderings on this planet.

Guy who took my shampoo and conditioner from the gym

You could have left it in the shower. You could have taken it to lost and found. You could have put it in a locker. Yet you decided to take my shampoo and conditioner home with you to save a few bucks. Way to go.

Guy who always thinks I’m hitting on his girlfriend

OK. Maybe I was hitting on her the first time. Now I do it just to watch you get all riled up. It entertains me.

Chick whose name I can’t remember

You know who you are.

Am I in line here?

2009-10-05T20:45:00.002-04:00

I admit it. I bust in line. I do it in traffic. I do it at the movies. I’ve been known to do it at wedding receptions.

That doesn’t make it right. I expect to be chastised if caught.

What really irks me is when cutting in line is completely tolerated by businesses (and the person cutting is not me.) Here are two types of cutting that are completely acceptable in most stores.

Phone cutting

Have you ever been waiting at a customer service desk to talk to someone in a long, slow-moving line? Maybe you just need to ask a question about a return. Then the phone rings behind the desk. What does the person working the desk do? Of course, they pick up the phone and help solve the caller’s problem.

I’m going to try to call from my cell while waiting in line next time. Is that phone caller really more important than us schmucks standing in front of you?

Drive through cutting

I’m in Starbucks the other day with my kids. We are the only people in Starbucks. As I am waiting for my order I watch the drive through window. People are speeding through there like it’s the freeway!

What the hell? Just because you’re in a car you deserve preferential treatment? She’s slinging lattes out the window like she’s working a pit crew.

Please people, let’s get this straightened out. I, for one, do not want to live in a world where cutters like me are accepted. It’s a matter of principle!

Head of the Class

2009-09-29T20:48:00.001-04:00

Ladies and Gentleman, you all know me as one who doesn’t like to stir things up. Far be it from me to rattle the cages of those who may be slumbering peacefully.

I’ve been reading up on my economic statistics, though, and I’m learning some interesting facts. For instance, did you know…

If you earn over $100,000 a year you earn more than 85% of households in the United States.

If you earn over $250,000 a year you earn more than 98.5% of households in the United States.

The median household income in the US is just over $44,000.

The wealthiest 25% of households own 87% of the wealth in the US.

The median net worth in the US is $120,000.

The median net worth for white people is $170,000.

The media net worth for non-white people is $27,000.

The 400 wealthiest Americans combined net worth is $1.57 trillion.

Now you may be thinking “This is all very interesting, but what is the point?”

My point is that most people don’t have a whole lot of money. Sorry, maybe you were expecting something more insightful. Still, people don’t act like they don’t have much money.

The overwhelming majority of Americans earn little income and possess little net worth. Yet, we make decisions that benefit those that earn huge incomes and possess a higher net worth than many countries.

What’s up with that?

How in the world have the majority of Americans been convinced that a system that pushes 87% of the wealth to 25% of the people is a good idea?

How have smart people been convinced that the free market will take care of them when it is blatantly obvious that a select few reap almost the entire reward?

Impatient with the Pleasantries.

2009-09-26T09:29:00.002-04:00

Patience is a virtue, and I am not a virtuous man. I'm feeling like a bit of a jackass today, so I thought I would blog about some things that cause my patience to wear thin.

Responding in kind

If I say you look nice you don't need to say "Thanks so do you." I may actually retract my compliment in said situation.

Small talk

I would rather rack myself than sit and listen to mind numbing chit chat. The weather is fine. Your children are lovely. Can I get a drink over here?

Parrot politics

Just because you can repeat what Sean Hannity or John Stewart told you last night does not make you smart or insightful. Talking louder when I ask you to explain your position is not a strong debate tactic either.

Inserting "Don't get a big head" before or after a compliment

C'mon guys. First of all, it's a little arrogant and presumptuous to assume that I might get a big head based on something you would say to me. I feel insulted that anyone would think that someone's opinion would have that kind of effect. Secondly, my head is as big as it's going to get. I have a fairly healthy self-image already.

Insecurity

I pity people who aren't secure with themselves. I really do. That doesn't mean I'm willing to have a conversation with them that consists of me constantly saying "You're not old. You're not stupid. You're not pitiful." These things may or may not be true, but why would it matter what I think? Be happy with what the big guy gave you! Some have more, some have less.

There you have it folks. Just another installment in "How can the world better adapt to meet my needs." Tune in next week when we discuss "The correlation between curly hair and intelligence: Can you afford to go straight?"

Health Care Smackdown -- 2009

2009-09-09T21:15:00.002-04:00

I have to admit...I have a little man crush on Obama.

I wanted to get that out in the open before I give you my opinion on the health care debate.

Let's leave Obama and think about the plan. His basic tenant is that every American must have affordable health care available.

Let's think about that for a minute. I have many Republican and conservative friends. In fact, most of my friends lean right in politics.

I have not one friend who doesn't want everyone to be taken care of. I know no one who wants to see anyone denied help if they need it.

What exactly are we arguing about?

Figure out the best way to do it, but I have to agree with Obama. There is no reason for any American to go broke because they get sick. There is no reason for any American to suffer and die because they don't have the right policy.

I was impressed by Obama tonight. I thought he was politically magnificent. This is an easy sell though.

Don't buy into the hype. We all want the same thing.

How Refreshing.

2009-08-29T13:18:00.003-04:00

I've been listening to a little news lately. Actually, it's more political commentary than news. Listening to the banter is exhausting. Can we get a little sincerity?

"You supported strengthening the subprime loan program at Fannie and Freddy. Isn't that what got us into this mess?"

This is what I hear everyone ask. The answer is astounding.

"I supported Fannie and Freddy and the home ownership program, but I never supported these bad subprime loans."

You're killing me dude!

Taking the heat can be tough. I get it. You have to admit though that the denial of any responsibility for the mistakes that were made can be a little condescending to us common folk. I've never found it detrimental to my objectives to acknowledge my mistakes. The ego hurts a bit, but it heals quickly.

Just once I would like to hear "I supported Fanny and Freddy because I was interested in helping low-income citizens. I thought that helping them toward home-ownership was a good goal. We never realized that so many bad loans would be offered. In retrospect we should have had more oversight of the program."

Wow! Honest conversation. How refreshing.

The dude abides...

2009-08-27T18:17:00.006-04:00

I take as many life lessons as possible from The Big Lebowski. Here are a few favorites...

That's just like...your opinion man.

Fuck it! Let's go bowling.

What day is this?

and of course...

The dude abides.

Most of the time I find it easy to abide. Money problems? No worries. Sleeping on the beach is free. Someone getting on your nerves? All you have to do is walk away.

One of your ex's being a bitch?

Yea, that one is a little tougher. Although, it is nice to have your decision to split validated periodically. In fact, its feels pretty good to remember that it could always be worse. You could still be with her.

Now that I think about it life is pretty damn good. Fuck it. Let's go bowling!

That is so Twilight

2009-07-12T20:09:00.000-04:00

I’ve been trying to avoid this, but I can’t help myself any longer. I have to talk about the Twilight series.

Yes, I read all of the books. Thanks to my sister who literally left them on my doorstep. I must admit that I couldn’t stop reading once I got started. It was like eating a bag of potato chips. You’re not even hungry, but you can’t stop eating!

So I now have a new word in my vocabulary. Whenever something is sickeningly sappy I refer to it as being “Twilight”. You know like a girl that lays down on the ground in the woods crying hysterically over a boy leaving her. So twilight.

But this isn’t my biggest gripe with the books. My biggest gripe is…well let’s just see if you can figure it out. Here are a list of signs that your favorite author might just be a Mormon.

Young girls and old dudes

Yea, Edward looks young, but the guys is like a hundred years old. It’s kind of creepy. Seventeen year old girls got on my nerves when I was seventeen. I can’t imagine being interested in them after a century.

The school looks like “Leave it to Beaver”

What kind of school is this? No partying? No sex, drugs, or rock and roll? Not even any vulgar language. Not very believable.

Watch that premarital sex

It’s okay to become one of the undead, but you better not have sex until you tie the knot.

Imprinting (are you kidding me?)

This is perhaps the most disturbing concept in the series. Adults “imprint” on children which basically marks them for marriage. Oh, but it’s not sick in any way. It’s a wholesome love until they become an adult. Creepy, creepy, creepy.

I know there are a lot of you Twilight fans out there, so I apologize if I offend. I felt like I ate too many double cheese burgers at McDonalds when I was finished reading. They taste good, but when you’re done you think “Why did I eat so much of that crap?”

Maybe it’s just me but the books were so…uh…they were very….um…twilight.

Another summer, another roadtrip.

2009-07-09T20:08:00.000-04:00

It’s been a year since my dad and I took to the open road in search of the meaning of life, the universe, and everything. It’s been a few days since my son and I did the same. We saw a lot of sights and did a lot of things, but in the end it’s who you’re with that’s important; not where you’re going. Here are a few highlights of the journey.

Camping

We didn’t camp out every night. We wimped out and crashed in a hotel a couple of times. Oh and that one night we slept in the jeep at a rest area. I never thought I would miss the tent so much. There isn’t much that’s more peaceful than looking up at the stars while listening to the sounds of the forest. It reminds you how small you are in such a big world.

Road Atlas’s Rock

I know we all have GPS nowadays, but there is something to be said for having a big road atlas to look at. I don’t like that GPS always telling me what to do, even if she does have a sexy voice. We got diverted from the interstate at one point and were able to jump on a short cut to scoot right by all the suckers that were listening to their fancy devices.

Corn

There is a lot of corn in the Midwest. Do we really need that much corn? Ethan and I wrote a song about it. It’s called “Driving through the corn fields”. Look for it at a amateur music store near you.

The Music Festival

I love small venues, and Sioux City was definitely a small one. Things started out great when a volunteer let me park in his spot right across the street. There were a few local bands that were decent. I really enjoyed Lenka. She’s got a sexy little Betty Boop thing going on, and the chick can sing. You gotta love it when a girl breaks out a little trumpet mid-verse too.

Counting Crows

I’ve been a fan of the Counting Crows since their “August and Everything After” CD, but after seeing them live I am an even bigger fan. These guys could have mailed in their performance for a thousand people or so in the middle of Iowa, but they played it like it was Red Rock. Adam Duritz stopped the show at one point to talk to a couple of dumb asses about not fighting. They then picked up “Mrs. Potter’s Lullaby” on the third chorus and proceeded to rock out. I love it.

Going off the grid

I admit I wasn’t completely off the grid, but I tried to keep my iPhone on airplane mode for most of the trip. It’s amazing how difficult it is today to disconnect from the world. If you get a chance to do it for a little while I highly recommend it.

It was a typical road trip. Lots of things to see and stories to tell. My favorite part was that I got to rough it with my boy. One of these days someone will ask him if he remembers his first rock concert. I’m so happy that I will be a part of that story.

What can you learn from a Luau?

2009-06-29T20:07:00.000-04:00

Ah, summertime. That time of year when friends gather together to bake in the sweltering heat, wear grass skirts, drink fruity concoctions, play beer pong, have late night jam sessions, and just maybe take a nice refreshing dip in the ocean.

That’s right, my friends. It’s called a luau.

I recently hosted a gathering of my closest friends as well as random people that I thought would look good in a coconut bra. As always I took away some lessons learned.

Mike can move pretty fast to Lei a pretty girl.

He wasn’t so helpful in setting up for the party. Not so helpful in getting the food or drink. Not so helpful in picking up supplies or putting up decorations, but I have to give it to him. When it comes to welcoming the girls and making sure they had a Hawaiian shirt and a lei, well, let’s just say Mike was on it!

Your friends will work for booze.

Need a bartender or live entertainment? Get your buddies liquored up and they are happy to oblige. I am definitely getting a brass pole next time.

Drunk chicks and motorized bikes are not a good combination

Luckily Tori stayed grounded most of the night, but she sure made us nervous. I, of course, encouraged her to show us some tricks. She just wanted to pose.

I am the worst beer pong player ever!

Seriously, beer pong by tiki torch is pretty cool, but I suck. Plus, some chicks take their beer pong kind of serious. Oh, another thing. Never substitute vodka for beer.

When it’s time to crash it’s time to crash

Some people have two gears: balls to the wall and dead to the world. Surprisingly, most of my friends tend to fall into these categories. One minute they are swinging from the chandeliers and the next they are out like a light. More power to you my ADHD compadres.

The heat rocks.

Maybe the heat is stifling. Maybe it makes it difficult to breathe. Maybe you lose a few friends as they pass out from dehydration and heat stroke. All of this is well worth the cost when you get to see beautiful women in sundresses pulling back their hair, chicks in bikinis and Hawaiian shirts, and even the occasional grass skirt and coconut bra.

So here’s to you, my friends. Join me again next year when I’m sure I’ll learn another thing or two. Until then, I’ll be at the beach.

So you want to change the world

2009-06-24T20:05:00.000-04:00

I meet a lot of people who want to make the world a better place. I must admit that I have at times aimed to do the same. I started thinking, though, what would a perfect world look like?

That’s not an easy question to answer. Take a detour with me if you will.

Let’s pretend for a moment that the world is perfect. What would they show on the news? Do you think that everyone would start espousing the joys of life? I suspect that we would still get to listen to journalists complain about something.

Would there be an absence of conflict? Conflict is the essence of life. The yin and the yang, summer and winter, night and day. Take away one and you take away the other. Without darkness there is no light. Without short there is no tall.

Would pain be eliminated? That’s called death. Is there was no pain we couldn’t feel pleasure. If we couldn’t hurt we couldn’t feel joy.

The more I ponder this the more I find it hard to see how a perfect world would be much different from the place we live. That doesn’t mean I like everything about our world, but who says you have to like everything?

Next time you get an itch to change the world, stop and think what exactly is wrong with the world just as it is. It probably won’t change your actions, but it may change your mind.

Mind your own business!

2009-06-01T20:05:00.000-04:00

You may have noticed that my blogs have been a little more upbeat that normal. The truth is that things have been going pretty well for me lately, and I’m having a hard time finding things to rant about.

Not to worry though. I’m nothing if not persistent. So, I’m thinking “What has really pissed me off lately?” The answer?

Busy bodies.

Now I suspect that each of us has at one time or another been guilty of getting all up in someone else’s business. There are, however, others who practice it as an art form.

So I’m swimming in a pool that technically is “Out of Order”. Maybe I’m recording video of a live theatrical production. And how do you not play guitar at three in the morning when you’ve met new friends?

Believe it or not there are those who would seek to interfere with all of these activities. My theory of their motives rests mainly on the interval of time since their last diddle.

I say live and let live. Although, I guess that means I have to let the busy bodies do their thing, too. Damnit!!!

Life on the beach

2009-05-28T20:04:00.000-04:00

So, I’ve been at the beach for almost three months now. As you know I tend to reflect a lot on lessons learned. I rarely use that knowledge to alter my behavior in any way, but I do think about it.

So after three months on the beach what have I learned? Thanks for asking.

Living on the beach is freaking amazing!

I just have to get that out there from the beginning. From the salt air to the roar of the ocean to the sunrise on the water it is an amazing place to hang your hat.

You become more popular when you live at the beach.

It’s amazing how your friends come out of the woodwork when you have a beach house. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all about having friends crash with me. It’s just funny how that works.

The beach is pretty sandy

Seriously. I have sand everywhere in my house! It blows in. It gets tracked in. I think little leprechans carry bags of sand in while I sleep and scatter it throughout the joint.

There is absolutely nothing more romantic than a moonlight stroll on the beach.

Okay, maybe there are things more romantic, but this has got to be high on the list. You know all those saps who say they enjoy long walks on the beach? I think they’re on to something.

Anything that’s fun to do is even more fun to do on the beach!

I haven’t come across any exceptions yet. I’ll keep experimenting.

Is it really May?

2009-05-01T20:02:00.000-04:00

Greetings fellow Earthlings! It’s been a while since I’ve regaled you with my tales of the patently obvious, and I know some of you must be a little distressed by this. Not to worry. My rambling never ceases…it only subsides briefly.

I don’t know how many of you realize this, but we are now in the fifth month of 2009. Is that freaking unbelievable or what?

Now, I had a lot of ambitious plans this year. Well, not plans per se, but rough sketches in the fabric of my mind. I’m a little bummed that the year seems to have jumped into overdrive.

However, the summer is still ahead, and I’m planning on kicking my plans into gear as the temperature rises. I’ll be heading to a music festival in Iowa for July 4th this year with my son. Last year was the old farts father-son road trip. This year it’s the young whippersnapper trip.

The rest of my summer is looking pretty nebulous. I’m sure I’ll find something to do.

Keynes you feel me?

2009-03-18T20:02:00.000-04:00

I’m hearing a lot about this dude named Keynes lately. Pretty strange since the guy’s been dead for over sixty years. But he must have made a huge impression on Obama’s economic team, cause he’s the one calling the shots on the stimulus plan.

So I had to go dust off my old Macroeconomics textbook to remember what exactly this guy was all about. Okay, I really just Googled it, but I’m pretty sure his name was mentioned in that book somewhere.

So, Keynes was this English economist who talked about this concept of aggregate demand or total spending in an economy. Basically he said that lots of things affect aggregate demand, but there is a certain optimal level of spending in a society. When you hit a recession the aggregate demand is below the optimal level. This leads to lower production levels and higher unemployment.

Sounds reasonable.

Here’s where a lot of folks disagree with Keynes. He said that if the economy gets in too much of a funk it feeds on itself. The private sector is no longer able to increase aggregate demand and the economy falls into malaise. Unemployment stays high and production stays low.

A lot of economist think that a recession is a natural part of the economic cycle. You can’t cure a recession, because the recession is the cure itself. Keynes didn’t buy it.

He said when the private sector could no longer spend enough to bring the aggregate demand where it needs to be the Government could step in and do it for them. He even had a multiplier that you could apply to government spending to show how much that spending would increase output.

If the multiplier is 1.5 the economy shows a $150 increase in output for every $100 the Government spends. Pretty cool. Of course you can also have a multiplier of less than 1 which is not near as cool, but what are you gonna do?

Bringing us back to our current economic circumstances, Obama’s team thinks they need to spend in the $800 billion range to get output back where it needs to be. There’s a bonus. Not only do they think this will kickstart the economy and increase output, but we’ll also get the benefits of all of the additional infrastructure that these dollars will fund.

This all sounds pretty good right? Where do I sign up?

There are a few problems. You have to worry about things like inflation and interest rates. Keynes thought that employment and output responded much more quickly to increased spending than do prices. He thought prices were somewhat “sticky”. In other words they tend to hover in a certain range and are much more rigid in the short-term.

His critics said in the long-run inflation will catch up to you to which Keynes replied “In the long run we’ll all be dead”.

I like this guy.

Will any of this work? Who knows? It’s certainly an interesting approach. If it doesn’t work out at least we’ll have some roads, bridges, and fiber optics to play around with while we’re all unemployed.

I’m betting that Keynes was on to something, though.

Cold weather blues

2009-02-28T20:00:00.000-05:00

Maybe it’s just me, but this cold weather is starting to get me down. I know I live in Florida and I shouldn’t complain, but it’s freaking cold outside!

I have come to the distinct conclusion that human beings are not meant to live in the cold. Let’s quantify what I mean by cold. Anything lower than about 60 degrees fahrenheit (15 Celcius for my Canadian friends) is too cold for human habitation.

Let’s look at it logically. Our bodies are trying to stay around 98 degrees. We have no fur, so I’m guessing we are meant to live in an ambiant temperature of around 70 degrees or warmer (this was calculated using my normal method of pulling a number out of my ass).

Now, I realize that most of the United States gets much colder than 70 degrees for much of the year. I propose that we take up hibernation. Let’s all say together “Hell, no. We won’t go!” to the demons of winter. I think I’d be pretty happy hibernating from December to March each year.

Alternatively, I think we should try to exploit the whole global warming thing. I know we don’t want to melt the polar ice caps and everything, but can’t we stand taking the global temperature up a few notches? I propose we stop trying to halt global warming and try to figure out how to speed it up a little bit. Couldn’t we all agree that turning up the global thermastat a few degrees would benefit us all?

Some may be skeptical of my plan. After all, I read that the suicide rate increases when the weather rises above 65 degrees. There are a lot of people on the planet, though. I think the risk is completely justified. I’m guessing that the folks offing themselves in warmer temperatures are mostly Canadians anyway.

Life’s a beach…

2009-02-08T19:59:00.000-05:00

I am always looking for ways to make my life a little more laid back. In fact, I’m getting pretty good at what I call “optimal laziness”. This is more difficult than it sounds. You’ll have to take my word for it.

My 2009 laziness strategic plan demanded bold action. I’ve packed up my stuff and moved to the beach (Actually I sold most of my stuff, because, let’s face it, I was too lazy to move it all).

My new backyard

I’d like to tell you that living at the beach isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Life’s not all fun and games you know. I just can’t bring myself to do it. It’s awesome!

I’d love to tell you more, but the ocean is calling. I really do live a charmed life.

My New Year Resolution

2009-01-04T19:57:00.000-05:00

Everyone loves a fresh start. This was my thought as the final seconds ticked off the clock and the odometer rolled from 2008 to 2009. What good is a fresh start though if you don’t shake things up, rock the boat, do things differently?

With these thoughts rolling through my head I began planning how my life would be different this year.

I thought about resolving to be more punctual. Surely, this is a noble goal. How hard could it be?

Of course, I could also examine why I’m so frequently late. I could examine the root cause. Maybe I don’t really want to be in a place so I put it off until the last minute. Maybe I should resolve to stop doing things I don’t really want to do and going places I don’t really want to be.

I could resolve to be more organized. I could focus on making sure every thing has a place. Books on the shelves instead of scattered across tables, dressers, and floors. Papers filed neatly rather than tucked away wherever I last reviewed them.

Upon further reflection, however, I might be better served to reduce my clutter rather than just organize it. Get rid of the nonessential items. Donate them to a good cause perhaps.

Speaking of donations, maybe I should focus more on donating my time to worthy causes. Working in a soup kitchen, mentoring a child, helping those less fortunate than myself.

On the other hand, charity does begin at home. Why go out of my way to help strangers when there is so much that I could do to help my family and friends? If we all took care of those closest to us surely the effects would reverberate throughout our world.

But I have personal goals as well. I want to write a book, take up surfing, exercise more, eat healthier, travel, save a little money, build some relationships, and invent a new breakfast dish.

I also want to paint a landscape, teach my dog, Josie, to catch a Frisbee, publish an iPhones application, grow a rose garden, and ride a zip line.

Now that I think about it I have a lot of things I’d like to do. I guess I won’t get around to everything this year. I may be able to make a resolution that I could keep, however.

I could resolve to keep these goals in mind as I muddle through 2009. I could resolve to dream of what I want to do and make decisions that bring me closer to these goals. I could resolve to put myself in a place where I am ready to tackle any of these opportunities should they arise.

Or I could resolve to exercise more. I’m still making up my mind.

2008 Year in Review

2008-12-21T19:56:00.000-05:00

I know Christmas isn’t until next week, so maybe I shouldn’t start thinking about the New Year yet. I’m always a little circumspect this time of year though. I think it has something to do with my Sagittarius nature.

This year has brought a lot of firsts for me. Not all have been pleasant, but most of them have worked out pretty well. I thought I’d jot down some of the highlights. Buckle your seat belts boys and girls. It’s been a crazy year.

My first skydive

I started out with a tandem and liked it so much I went for my certification. I fizzled out on it after a while. Skydiving is a huge commitment. I did get to jump three times and fly solo.

Got an extra week of vacation

I have never stayed at any job long enough to get an extra week of vacation. It’s pretty sweet. If I can just get another three or four weeks I’ll be set.

Got a promotion at work

I was a little skeptical about this promotion to begin with. It seemed like a lot more work for a little more money. I must admit it’s turned out great. I much prefer the work that I am doing now.

Drove across the United States

I’ve wanted to do this for a while. My dad and I took to the open roads for two weeks with nothing but a jeep, some camping equipment, and our wits. I couch surfed, went out on Lake Erie, saw the grand canyon, and drove through the Rocky mountains…all for the first time.

Had my son live with me for a year

It was year of ups and downs for my son and me. He moved in with me in February and moved out in December. I’m glad we had the experience. Time will tell if I was able to have any positive effect on him.

Started blogging

It seems like I’ve been doing this for a lot longer, but I think I started around March. It’s a good outlet for me, and having someone pay me to do it is a great perk.

Got a new guitar

I have wanted an acoustic electric guitar for over ten years. I have no idea why it has taken me so long to get one. The old Epiphone has been retired in favor of a shiny new Yamaha. If I could just learn how to play…

Stayed single for the entire year (kind of)

I haven’t been 100% single all year, but I haven’t jumped into any long term relationships. Maybe that’s why I’ve been able to accomplish so much this year.

All in all I have to say 2008 has been a damn fine year for me. The economy is in the toilet, but I’m having a great time.

I can’t wait to see what 2009 has in store!

The Karmic Ladder

2008-12-06T19:55:00.000-05:00

My kids finally talked me into adopting a dog last weekend. We managed to find a sweetheart at the Humane Society who has integrated seamlessly with our family. After observing her for a week or so, though, I have come to the conclusion that Dogs really are a higher species than humans.

Well, maybe not higher, but definitely older.

If you believe in reincarnation you may think that humans are one of the final stages. I just don’t see it. Here is my breakdown on the path to spiritual enlightenment based on absolutely no facts, research, or logic.

Human Being

This has got to be the first step in the evolutionary chain. Let’s look at the things us folk spend our lives seeking to accomplish: corner offices, five minutes of fame, being “the best”, securing our place in the afterlife. I refuse to believe that after multiple lifetimes we keep doing this kind of shit.

Ant

I always have felt a kindredness with ants. They run and scurry and build up massive ephemeral societies. The nice thing about ants is their complex societies don’t damage everyone else’s quality of life.

Dog

After we learn enough to recognize the absurdity of a complex society we must come back as dogs. They like to spend time with people, sometimes act like humans, and often seem amused at our antics. I believe they’re thinking “Did I really used to act like that?”

Cat

Dogs may be intrigued by us, but cats are just bored with us. I always feel a little inadequate around them.

Monkey

I don’t know why monkeys come next. I just love mentioning them whenever possible.

Elephant

Elephants have to rank pretty high on the karmic chain. They could just stomp most other species, but they usually seem pretty patient with us bottom feeders. Plus I once saw a video of one painting a self-portrait.

Water

Okay, I admit I don’t really know the final stage of reincarnation or how it actually happens. Hey, can you blame me? I’m just a lowly human starting out on my journey. I’m guessing once we get finished with the hustle and the bustle of all of these lifetimes we finally join with Rodney King in saying “Why can’t we all just get along?”

At this point we come back as a water molecule and float around in the oceans, rivers, and streams watching the lower life forms struggle. Those Taoists are always making insightful observations about water too. Some business about water always assuming the lowest position yet sculpting canyons out of stone.

I haven’t really had time to look into to it very much. I have a corner office to work towards you know.

It’s crazy the shit we do.

2008-11-19T19:54:00.000-05:00

We do some crazy shit. If you don’t believe me, watch “How It’s Made” on the Science channel some time.

I’m watching these factories made up of men and women all over the world working intently and ingeniously at producing products like heated skate blades. Are you kidding me?

We have all this brain power focused on hair, erections, boobs, and heated skate blades, and we have to settle for dumbasserery on things like government, education, religion, and the everlasting Gobstopper.

It’s incredible watching the ingenuity, design, and intricacy in producing some everyday products. It’s just a little sad that this is where we focus our talent.

Five Predictions for Obama’s first year in office

2008-11-10T19:53:00.000-05:00

I wanted to wait a little while for the dust to settle on the election before giving my thoughts. I know you all have been waiting with bated breath to hear my predictions, so here goes. Here are five predictions for the first year of Barrack Hussein Obama’s term of office.

1. Obama will introduce sweeping reforms that will pass in Congress

Sure he will. We’ve all heard it before. I think this time it will happen though. It may be health care. It may be tax reform. It may be energy policy. I think he goes big.

Why will he be successful? Simple.

He won’t introduce anything that won’t pass. It’s as simple as that. This guy is meticulous in his preparation. He will have every base covered, and he will know how the vote will go down before he ever sends the bill to congress.

2. Obama will reach a 70% job approval rating in his first year

I don’t think it really matters what happens with the economy either. I think it comes down to his temperament and personality. People may not like what is happening, but they will see Obama clearly explain the problems and honestly articulate how he plans to tackle the issues.

I think we’ll find that people enjoy being treated like adults.

3. Republicans will take a while to come around

Republicans are scratching their heads and wondering how all of this could have happened. They were running against a liberal, young, black guy with limited experience, and they lost NORTH CAROLINA to him.

A new voice will arise from the Republican collapse, but I think it might take one more drubbing in 2010. The social conservatives can’t carry the party anymore. Until they realize this the republicans will continue to lose elections.

4. We’ll be out of Iraq quicker than most people think

Obama opposed this war from the beginning, and right now most Americans regret going in too. We can’t just pull out of this thing all at once, but I think you’ll see a strong push for troop draw downs fairly shortly after the inauguration.

Expect to see the U.N. take a more active role as well.

5. The economy will rebound in 2009

Whenever everyone agrees that things are going downhill fast we can be sure we’re near the bottom. I’m not saying the economy will be where many would like in 09, but it will begin to improve. What goes up must come down, and what goes down must come up.

There you go. Please note that my opinions are my own and may not reflect the opinions of management, staff, economists, foreign policy experts, or any other sane individuals. Oh yeah. My bonus prediction…the Cuba embargo will be history within two years.

Smoke ‘em if you got ‘em. Cuban cigars are coming to a humidor near you.

Post Election Scenarios: What to expect on Wednesday

2008-11-03T19:52:00.000-05:00

It’s almost here, folks. Tomorrow millions of Americans will cast a vote for our next president. It’s an exciting time. Most will cast a vote either for the Republican or Democrat candidate.

I’d like to fast-forward for a moment to Wednesday morning. We’ll wake up and watch the news. Hopefully, the election will be decided. Roughly half of you will be disappointed. Roughly half of you will be happy. Some won’t care.

As you cast your ballot tomorrow think about what could happen on Wednesday whether your candidate wins or loses.
If your candidate wins:

Your rent or mortgage will be due on the first of the month.
The government will make many decisions that you do not agree with.
Individuals will make decisions that they believe are best for them, their family, and their loved ones.
Many around you will not share your values.
Citizens will argue over the best course of action in politics, economics, social issues, and foreign affairs.

If your candidate loses:

Your rent or mortgage will be due on the first of the month.
The government will make many decisions that you do not agree with.
Individuals will make decisions that they believe are best for them, their family, and their loved ones.
Many around you will not share your values.
Citizens will argue over the best course of action in politics, economics, social issues, and foreign affairs.

Politicians, political activists, and corporations have invested a lot in scaring voters over the last year. They have told everyone that every bad thing you can think of will happen if their candidate doesn’t win.

Unfortunately, that bell can’t be unrung. Close to half of the voting citizens will think the United States is going to hell in a hand basket on Wednesday. Don’t be one of them.

Leave your fear at your polling place, and don’t buy into all the hype. The balance of the universe does not rest on who occupies the White House next year.

Halloween Edition: What really scares me.

2008-10-30T19:51:00.000-04:00

It’s Halloween again, and I have to say I sort of like this holiday. You don’t have to buy gifts for one thing. Sure you have to buy candy, but I keep the good stuff anyway. The trick-or-treaters get candy corns. I hold on to the sweet tarts. Suckers.

As I was preparing for my Halloween hijinx, I started thinking about all the ghosts and ghouls I might encounter tonight. They don’t scare me, though. Here are a few things that really scare me!

Clowns

I think it all started with Pennywise the Clown in Stephen King’s “IT”. They all float down here! You’ll float too.

Extra Nipples

If you have never seen an extra nipple live and up close you should thank God every day. I still get chills.

Ventriloquist Dummies

They’re sneaky. You can’t trust them. I’m afraid he’s going to jump off the stage and go postal. They’re not near as helpless as they want us to think.

Cats

You know they can steal your soul. I get along with them, but I keep my eye on them too. You never know when our fragile alliance with them will buckle.

Senior Citizens

I love senior citizens, but sometimes I think they’re plotting against us young folk. I also think one of them once tripped me with his cane. He claimed it was an “accident”. Right.

Geese

I don’t know why I’m afraid of geese, but they terrify me. I had a dream about a goose with an electrical shocking bill. Talk about getting goosed!

So have a good time this all hallows eve. Don’t worry about all the spooky creatures out there tonight. They won’t bother you, but watch out for those damn geese.

Who wants to live forever?

2008-10-28T19:49:00.000-04:00

So I’m watching CNN, and they are going on about some life expectancy calculator on the Internet. You can plug in risk factors like smoking, eating sweets, wearing seat belts, yada yada, and it tells you how long you might wander around this planet we call home.

“If you stop eating sweets you can increase your life expectancy by five years” they boast.

Now, I realize that I’m only 32 years old and my philosophy is likely to change as I age, but what is the obsession with hanging around so long? I don’t know about you, but I’m starting to wear out already. I can’t imagine what shape I’ll be in at 96.

I’m not wishing for an early demise or anything, but I’m not all that concerned about checking out of this joint at some point. Am I way off base here?

Everybody has something to sell

2008-10-25T19:48:00.000-04:00

I get a little frustrated when people try to help me. Don’t get me wrong. We can all use some help sometimes. I just don’t like it when people insist on helping me when I don’t want any help. I don’t call that helping. I call it interfering.

I don’t question the motives of these helpers. I’m sure they have all the best intentions. They have discovered something that is valuable to them and want to share it with everyone.

If you have never seen the movie “The Big Kahuna” I highly recommend it. Three guys are at a conference selling industrial lubricant. Two of them are seasoned sales guys, and the other is a very religious kid fresh out of college.

To make a long story short the kid gets sent to talk to a potential client and ends up discussing his religious views while never mentioning industrial lubricants. This may seem noble to some. The main character is infuriated. The kid says he wanted to talk to the guy as a human being. Here’s how the main character responded.

It doesn’t matter whether you’re selling Jesus or Buddha or civil rights or ‘How to Make Money in Real Estate With No Money Down.’ That doesn’t make you a human being; it makes you a marketing rep. If you want to talk to somebody honestly, as a human being, ask him about his kids. Find out what his dreams are - just to find out, for no other reason. Because as soon as you lay your hands on a conversation to steer it, it’s not a conversation anymore; it’s a pitch. And you’re not a human being; you’re a marketing rep.

I don’t like talking to marketing reps. I do it when I have to, but it’s work. They’re not doing me any favors. They’re trying to sell me something. Maybe it really is the best product on the market. I don’t really care. I’m not spending my free time with marketing reps.

The Socialist Boogeyman

2008-10-22T19:47:00.000-04:00

I’m hearing a lot of the “S” word lately on the news and on the presidential campaign trail. Of course, the mere mention of this word polarizes society, and plays on the fears of American citizens.

I would just like to remind everyone of one thing: Socialism is a political and economic system. That’s all it is. It is not a boogeyman that will turn us into a nation of mind-controlled dolts.

Before you start calling me a commie let me explain myself. I have no problem debating the merits of free-market capitalism versus some type of democratic socialism. My problem is the demagoguery that stifles intellectual debate.

We have a knee-jerk reaction at the very mention of socialism. We boo and hiss and work ourselves into a frenzy. If you ask those who are booing and hissing “What exactly is so bad about socialism?” you will very likely get a blank stare.

This type of fear-mongering does a disservice to everyone involved. Just about every modern government, including the United States, has some socialist aspects to it. Some governments lean more socialist that others.

The United States is in the process of nationalizing the country’s banking systems. Yes, this is a socialist move, but we can’t intellectually discuss its merits because we have predetermined that socialism is the devil.

The politicians say “We did it only because we had no choice”. Not surprisingly, the American public reacted rather strongly against the bailout and nationalization of the financial markets. After all, we’ve had it drilled into our heads for generations that socialism is “evil”. Not an inferior system but a scourge upon the earth that goes against everything that we believe.

Free market capitalism may very well be a superior economic and social structure to socialism. I wish we would just remember that both are just systems. They both have good and bad characteristics. We’re seeing some of the downsides of capitalism right now with the economic struggles and bank failures.

I’m not a socialist, and I’m not a capitalist. I’m a human being and an American citizen, and I’m a little insulted at the implication that adopting any socialist policies will result in a transformation of American democracy into some type of communist dictatorship.

Ignorance is bliss

2008-10-21T19:45:00.000-04:00

We’ve all heard that ignorance is bliss. I remember hearing it as a small child, and I’ve been intrigued by that statement for my entire life. I’m going to tell you why, but as usual I’m taking the long route to do so.

I remember my science classes in college. I majored in Biology and minored in Chemistry, so I had quite a few of them. It seemed like every theory that I learned followed a similar history.

Professor A discovered a new phenomenon he described by Theory A. A few years later Mr. B found that Theory B more fully explained the phenomenon. This continues until we arrive at the present day with our current Theory X, which is accepted to be the most complete theory ever put forth.

The history of science, philosophy, and everything else pretty much follows this pattern. The theory is gradually modified until a time when someone shows that it is completely wrong. We then form a new theory that is gradually modified, and we continue the cycle.

What fascinated me was the overwhelming belief that our current theories are “pretty much right”. Sure, we understand that we don’t know everything, but we’re not completely off base…are we?

I used to sit in a class of a hundred or so science majors who would laugh at the perceived naivety of previous scientists, while ardently believing in the theories that are currently in the mainstream. I always wondered what makes them think we are any different from those that thought the sun revolved around the earth.

I think things have changed in the fifteen years since I was a college freshman. When I was a freshman I went to the library to do research. By the time I graduated I could find anything I needed on the web.

In the past six months I have read articles and listened to lectures on quantum physics, string theory, the big bang, Christianity, Judaism, Taoism, economics, technology and literature. I’m not bragging that I read a lot. I’m pointing out how easy it is to find information on any subject that caters to a reader of any level of expertise.

We literally have the collective knowledge of mankind at our fingertips.

What has all of this information taught us? I will tell you what it has taught me: we know next to nothing.

We can transplant hearts, but we can’t cure a cold. We can send probes into space, but we can’t tell you why those probes are sucked to the ground upon entering the earth’s atmosphere. We can build skyscrapers, but we can’t tell you why we do it. We can build huge economic systems designed to carry us for hundreds of years, but we can’t predict the weather next month.

There is a certain peace in recognizing our limitations. There is a respite in knowing that we are not as important as we sometimes imagine. There is bliss, not in denying learning, but in recognizing how ignorant we really are.

Socrates may have spoken of the gods who lived on Mount Olympus, but he had it right when he said “I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance.”

That One is going to be our next president

2008-10-08T19:44:00.000-04:00

I promise this is my last post about the presidential election. I just can’t help myself.

After last night’s debate I really believe that Obama is going to be our next president. Something drastic could happen to change things, but I thought the “wheels came off” for McCain last night.

So I started thinking about what it would mean to have a Barack Obama presidency. I have to admit I felt some pride.

I grew up surrounded by racial bigotry. At a young age I thought it was normal. After I got a little older I started wondering why? Why can’t I have a black friend over? After all, I knew white assholes and black assholes.

Now we have a black man running for the presidency of the United States of America. Whether or not you agree with Obama’s positions is not really relevant to my point.

What makes me proud is that in order for him to get elected people all over the country must be saying that race doesn’t matter.

That inspires me, and that gives me hope.

Why can’t politicians tell the truth?

2008-10-07T19:42:00.000-04:00

I’ve said before that neither presidential candidate is telling the truth. A more accurate statement would be that each campaign is being intentionally misleading. You may think I’m cynical, but I’m really not. I believe we are better than this. We don’t have to put up with it.

Here are few distortions from each candidate.

Deregulation

I’ve heard the Democrat campaign beat into the ground John McCain’s record on deregulation. While this is true, the claims that deregulation is what let us into this financial crisis is misleading. Deregulation of the financial industry definitely had a role in the state we are in, but all deregulation is not created equally.

Without deregulation of the telecommunications industry we would undoubtedly not have the innovations and choices we have today. Advances such as iPhones, Vontage boxes, internet air cards, cable internet, and inexpensive DSL would have been severely hampered without deregulation.

They are counting on being able to convince Americans that “Deregulation” is the source of all of our woes, and that McCain has been supporting it for years.

Funding of Troops

The Republican campaign rails on the Democrats for voting against funding the troops. They did in 2004 to Kerry, and they are doing in 2008 to Obama.

Again, this is a true statement, but is intentionally misleading. Obama voted against a particular bill that included troop funding. The implication is that if Obama had his way the troops would not be funded.

The reality is that if Obama had his way the bill would have been defeated, and they would have had to alter the bill in order for it to pass. In this particular case Obama wanted a timeline for the withdrawal of troops.

Think of it like the bail-out bill. The House Republicans voted it down. They were forced to alter the bill and it passed five days later. Just because a congressman voted against the bill does not mean he was against funding the economy.

Negotiations Without Preconditions

McCain blasts Obama for saying that he would open diplomatic channels with nations that we have previously not negotiated with. This is a valid difference of opinion; however, the McCain campaign paints a distorted view of what Obama would do.

They imply that Obama would fly right over to North Korea and begin negotiating. They know this is not true. They know that just about every former secretary of state agrees with Obama’s position, but they frame it as being a kooky, dangerous, idea.

Tax Cuts/Increases

Both parties are guilty of promising everyone tax cuts with no tax increases. I am so sick of hearing politicians promise everything under the sun with no tax increases. This is the idea that is at the core of our financial crisis. The idea of something for nothing.

Why can’t a politician say “You know what? I have a lot of programs that I’d like to implement, but we don’t have enough money. If we want to enact these new programs the tax payers are going to have to foot the bill. Here is why I believe these programs are important enough to raise your taxes.”

All candidates engage in this behavior, and it’s easy to chalk it up to the way politics works. I don’t accept this premise.

Why do we need to accept this as the status quo? It is an insult to our intelligence to sit and listen over and over again to an argument that is at its core, baseless. And they know that it’s baseless. Don’t be fooled into thinking they really believe this stuff. Well, maybe Palin does, but that’s even worse.

Nuclear vs Nukular

2008-10-06T19:41:00.000-04:00

I’ve gotta get this off my chest. I have been fascinated with the pronunciation of the word “nuclear” in political circles over the past ten years.

Just to make sure we are all on the same page, the proper pronunciation of the word is exactly how it is spelled, “Nu klee ar”. It astounds me that so many politicians pronounce it incorrectly as “Nuk you ler”.

Before you think I’m being petty let me explain my consternation.

I remember when George W. Bush was running for president and he pronounced the word incorrectly. He said the word so much that I couldn’t believe that he didn’t know he was saying it wrong. Surely one of his aids or advisors said “Uh, sir. That’s not actually how the word is pronounced.”

My amazement wasn’t with the fact that he originally pronounced it wrong, but with the fact that he continues to pronounce it wrong to this day.

Not only did he continue to say it wrong, but the majority of his spokespeople said it wrong as well. My conclusion was that he knew he was saying it wrong, but he thought that by correcting himself he would be acknowledging he was wrong. Instead he directed his team to pronounce it the same way he did.

That was my theory. I thought it was stupid, but it at least made sense.

Now, Palin and others are trotting out the “Nukular” pronunciation. I have to think that it is a conscious choice with them. I don’t know if they are trying to appeal to a certain type of people or what. Maybe some people simply have an extreme difficulty with the pronunciation.

Someone help me out. Why would anyone continue to mispronounce a word after they realize they are mispronouncing it? Is it deliberate, do they just not feel it matters, or are they unable to pronounce the word?

Sarah Palin Debate Flow Chart

2008-10-04T19:35:00.001-04:00

The Great Debate

2008-10-03T19:29:00.000-04:00

I watched the vice presidential debate last night, and I must say that Governor Palin did much better than I expected. Granted her success was mainly due to the fact that she avoided answering a lot of the questions, but not answering is better than just rambling incoherently. That’s my job.

After listening to a presidential and vice presidential debate I think it is now appropriate to point out what I’ve learned.

Each candidate is completely full of shit:

I don’t know why I expected anything else. I’m not saying these are bad people. It is obvious though that our system is set up such that it is impossible to get elected by telling the truth.

People have short memories:

I’m not that old. I have followed presidential politics since around 1992, which isn’t a long time. I have decided that in 2020 we will still be hearing about how the candidates running have a plan for energy independence, balancing the budget, combating global warming, and reforming healthcare. No one will actually do it, but we will get to hear about it every four years.

Ideology is more important than individuals:

Most people vote for an ideology rather than a candidate. Capitalism, socialism, welfare, abortion, gay marriage etc, dominate the issues discussed. Instead of finding someone who is intelligent, thoughtful, and prudent we find people who fit into our predetermined ideologies.

It doesn’t matter all that much who wins:

I know it’s easy to convince yourself otherwise, but things won’t be all that different no matter who becomes president. For all the fighting and rhetoric neither guy would do much differently. Until our society changes we will have pretty much the same government we have today.

What upsets you?

2008-10-02T08:41:00.001-04:00

We all have things that upset us, or, more precisely, we all allow certain things to cause us discomfort.

Do you ever stop and ask yourself why this situation upsets you?

Sure there are obvious answers. Someone is being insensitive. Another is being stubborn. A third is being just plain mean. Maybe someone just doesn’t get it.

Why does this upset us?

There is a psychological concept called cognitive dissonance. It basically means the situation we find ourselves in is different from the situation we perceive we should be in. The difference between the two must be resolved!

There are a number of ways that we can deal with cognitive dissonance. We can rationalize. We can justify. We can become angry, upset, or scared. We can alter our behavior to make the dissonance understandable.

Or we can change our idea of the “right situation”. This is the most difficult to do, but brings the most rewarding results.

If we drop our preconceived notions of how things “should” be we can deal with problems at face value. They tend to become much less of a big deal at this point.

The next time you find yourself saying “This is not right!” when someone upsets you, challenge your assumptions.

I’m not saying to change your values. I’m saying challenge your notion of what should or should not be. After all, things can need improvement without being “wrong”.

The difference is your mental and spiritual well-being.

The road to heaven is paved with good intentions

2008-10-01T07:53:00.000-04:00

You guys know I talk a lot about how much there is that humans don’t really understand. We think just because we can explain the characteristics of a phenomenon that we understand it.

I play this game with my kids. Feel free to try at home. Here is what I want you to do.

Stretch your arm straight out in front of you with your palm turned up. Focus on your hand. Concentrate. Then close your hand into a fist.

How did you do that? My brilliant son explains to me that his brain sends a signal along the nerves that stimulate the muscles to contract.

Okay. You described the phenomenon. How did you do it? How did you tell your brain to start sending signals? How did move from staring at your open hand to staring at your closed fist? This may seem like a silly question, but it is the ultimate question.

If you keep asking you will invariable arrive at “I just did it.”

Once you reach that conclusion, you can begin to really examine what you actually did. You did one thing and one thing only. You intended to close your palm into a fist.

I say you can do anything that you intend to do. I told my son that I could make my cell phone move from a table to my hand by intending to do so. He didn’t believe me.

I stood up, walked to the table, picked up the phone, then came back. Voila.

I intended to move the phone to my hand. The rest is just a description of the process, just like the description of the process of our nervous system.

“But I can’t simply intend to fly and jump out of a window” he retorts.

But intention requires belief. No one can ever do anything they don’t believe they can do. Every once in a while a person comes along and truly believes in the impossible. They believe, they intend, and they show others the way.

Pretty soon others begin to believe. Others begin to realize that the thing is possible. What was once presumed to be impossible becomes commonplace.

The next time you perform a task focus on your intention. I think you’ll find that is all you need to do. Actually, it’s all you can do.

It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine…

2008-09-30T06:51:00.000-04:00

There is a lot of turmoil in our world today. We have been told that we must act decisively and immediately or the end is near. Soon our ATM cards will no longer work. Soon our savings will be gone. Soon the basis of our economic system will not hold…if we don’t pass a bill.

You know what? I feel fine.

I have made some resolutions after listening to all of the rhetoric. I hope you’ll join me in saying the following:

I will not make decisions out of fear.
I will not base my worth on an arbitrary number that comes from Wall Street.
I will not be manipulated to offer my support to a cause.
I will not be coerced, bribed, or blackmailed to keep afloat a failing system.
I will live my life, as I always have, and there is nothing you can do to stop me.

Join me if you will people.

The great consolidation loan

2008-09-29T08:01:00.000-04:00

Anybody ever “consolidate their debt”. I’ve done it lots of times. I have no problem with the concept of consolidating debt. Sometimes it’s a good move.

It’s not a good move if you do it because you can no longer make your debt payments, and you fail to solve the problems that led you into the situation.

I can attest that if you follow the previous model you will end up deeper in debt very shortly.

The US Government does not understand this concept.

The $700 billion is a consolidation loan to the US economy. Our current economic environment is a failed model. Just as a personal consolidation loan could indicate an individual is living above their means, this bailout indicates our society as a whole is living above its means.

The US Government will issue bonds to cover the $700 billion. Don’t worry. They’re not going to raise your taxes. We’re not going to get a second job or stop with the shopping binges. We’re going to consolidate.

Investors (i.e. People with money) are going to buy the bonds which the US Government promises to pay back over time. Most will end up being bought by foreign investors.

We’ll breathe a sigh of relief because we now have a consolidated loan with lower interest and payments. We’ll keep going about our business until we rack up enough debt that we need to go back to the lenders.

I can also attest that you can’t keep consolidating forever. At some point the bill comes due, and you need to make tough choices. We are obviously not ready to make those hard choices yet.

Ready or not, the problem can’t be ignored much longer.

To debate or not to debate

2008-09-28T08:02:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking about the upcoming Vice Presidential debate for a while. I don't think it's going to happen.

After watching Governor Palin answer questions from Charlie Gibson and Katie Couric, I cannot see how the campaign could risk putting her in a debate with Senator Biden.

I sincerely felt sorry for the woman while watching her interview with Katie Couric. She was so obviously out of her league it was sad. I just wanted her to stop talking.

How will the debate get canceled? I have no idea, and it may very well go on.

Let's face it. If the debate were canceled we would all know why. The McCain campaign would take an enormous hit. Even so, if I were his campaign adviser I would take my chances.

There is no way I would allow Governor Palin to stand on stage and debate Senator Biden.

If I knew then what I know now

2008-09-27T13:13:00.000-04:00

So, I ‘m watching Bill Clinton the other day on Larry King Live, and I’m thinking “I really like this guy.” He spoke eloquently on issues of the economy, foreign affairs, and politics, and he did it without tearing down anyone else.

Why is it that politicians become so much more circumspect and thoughtful after they retire from office?

This isn’t a partisan phenomenon. Think about Bob Doyle, Jimmy Carter, Al Gore, and Newt Gingrich. Each one of these guys project a much healthier outlook on life, societal issues, and foreign affairs then they did in their heyday.

Maybe it’s because of their experience and having had time to reflect on their lives, but I’m not so sure.

I think it has more to do with being humbled. All of them were at the top of their game at one point, but have fallen down to mere mortal status.

That I think is what gives them perspective. They have been to the mountain and to the valley. They don’t seem to take themselves near as seriously.

What’s ironic is that they could probably be much more effective leaders after they were done, but if they hadn’t resigned themselves that they were done they wouldn’t gain the perspective at all.

The Problem with Palin

2008-09-23T08:32:00.001-04:00

Normally, nothing that happens in politics surprises me. I have seen and heard so many things over the years that were completely asinine that I usually just chuckle.

The Palin nomination shocked me. That’s saying a lot.

I understand that there are people who share the political views that Palin espouses. I don’t agree, but I understand some people do. What I don’t understand is how John McCain could nominate someone who is as uninformed as she appears to be.

Let’s look at the example that’s been beaten to death: The Bush doctrine. Charlie Gibson asked Governor Palin if she supports the Bush doctrine. She stared at him like he had just asked her to name the leader of each nation in Africa. He explained what it was then she went on to give her opinion of it.

The Bush Doctrine basically states that if a country cooperates with known terrorist groups the United States reserves the right to preemptively strike that nation.

This is probably the biggest shift in US foreign policy that has occurred during each candidate’s lifetime. Let that sink in for a minute.

I’m sure there are many intelligent people out there who don’t know what the Bush doctrine is. No problem.

The problem is that if you don’t know what the Bush doctrine is then you do not follow US foreign policy at all. I have heard conservative political commentators say that, if asked, they would not have known either.

That is quite possibly the biggest crock of shit I have ever heard in politics. It’s right up there with “I didn’t inhale”. Give me a break.

There is absolutely, positively, no possible way that any intelligent person could follow international news and not know what the Bush doctrine is. This, I think, is what a lot of people don’t quite understand.

It’s not necessarily the fact that she didn’t know. It’s that in order for her not to know she would have to be uninterested and uninformed.

It would be like applying for a sports commentator job and not knowing what the Heisman trophy was. It’s not so much that you need to know what it is. It’s that if you don’t know you are not a sports fan.

I know a lot of intelligent people are going to vote for McCain/Palin, and I say go for it if that’s what you think is best. I, however, will remain stupefied and a little insulted by the fact that John McCain put her name on the ticket.

The US Slave Market

2008-09-22T12:07:00.001-04:00

Slavery was officially abolished in the United States in 1865 by the thirteenth amendment to the constitution. So why do I keep throwing around references to slave labor in the US?

Because it’s still alive and well.

Maybe we don’t own other human beings like we did a hundred and fifty years ago, but we still have marginalized citizens who are being exploited for the benefit of the mainstream. We can polish it up and call it by a different name, but it’s still the same old situation.

I see two distinct classes of slave labor in the United States today: illegal immigrants and prison labor.

Let’s look at the first, illegal immigration. That’s not slave labor you may say. They are not supposed to be here in the first place, and they get paid for their labor.

They’re not supposed to be here? Do you think Mexican citizens would travel here if they didn’t know they had jobs waiting for them? Jobs like framing houses, laying brick, gardening, and cleaning.

We use them for manual labor. But they get paid, right? Yea they get paid, but not that much. Employers have no obligation to pay a fair wage, provide a safe work environment, or offer benefits because these workers have no recourse.

Then we all get up on our high horses and preach against the US governments policies on illegal immigration. We lament the fact that these immigrants cannot even speak our language.

Hypocrisy!

You may not have a Mexican house cleaner or gardener, but I guarantee you the house you bought was built on the backs of illegal immigrants. You were blissfully unaware, but complicit because it keeps the price of homes down.

If you had American companies pouring the foundation, laying the brick, framing the houses, roofing the houses, and floating the stucco your house would cost substantially more than it does today.

It’s less expensive because we have marginalized people with fewer rights than an American to do the work. Sounds a lot like slavery.

Let’s move on to the second group, prison labor.

I walked through a park in Brunswick, Georgia a few weeks ago. The park was built in the 1800’s and had recently been restored to its original splendor. The person I was with commented on how much work must have gone into laying the brick walkways.

The walkways were laid with prison labor. I thought it was fitting that they used prison slave labor for the restoration since the original was built with African slave labor.

What’s the problem with making prisoners work? It’s a slippery, slippery slope, my friends. There are several problems with this.

The numbers are debatable, but somewhere between one quarter and one half of prison inmates are non-violent drug offenders. Who are the non-violent drug offenders?

They are the ones who see drug use all around them, and decide to capitalize on it. They are the industrious ones. They are the smart ones. If I grew up in the projects without the benefit of education and opportunity I have no doubt I would be in their camp.

Instead of educating and training these people we lock them up. Why not? They are the strongest and most ambitious of the lower class. We fear them. Education might allow them to become powerful in the mainstream. We need them on the fringes of society.

It gets worse. There are 264 private, for-profit prisons in the United States housing around one hundred thousand inmates.

Think about that for a minute. You have corporations that are traded on Wall Street that generate profits from literally enslaving people.

Not only do they earn income from State and Federal governments, but they also earn some extra cash from pimping their inmates out to lay brick walkways. You tell me that’s not slave labor.

We go about our lives and look the other way while hundreds of thousands of people are being openly exploited for greed. We stand on our soap boxes and talk about how they have no one to blame but themselves.

Times change and we find new words to describe the same situations. Slavery is alive and well in the United States of America.

It's tough all over

2008-09-21T17:29:00.002-04:00

Anybody follow the news? I've been deliberately avoiding it for a while now. I got tired of being exposed to the idiocy of reporters, and let's face it. Most of what you read in the news either doesn't affect you or does affect you, but you can't do anything about it.

I've gotten pulled back in this weekend. Here's what I found out. The US economy is in bad shape. Not just a little bit bad, but "hide your money under your mattress" bad.

I might be exaggerating a little, but not all that much. Here's my understanding of the whole mess.

Fannie Mae and Freddie Mack were going to become unstable. They had too many bad mortgage lines out. The Treasury department steps in and gives them 200 billion bucks to keep them afloat. In return the Treasury department takes control of the two companies.

Then companies like Merrill Lynch, Countrywide, and Lehman Brothers start going under. Bank of America comes in and takes over Merrill Lynch and Countrywide. Lehman Brothers is the odd man out, so they just send their employees home.

Next AIG says they're headed for bankruptcy. This time the Federal Reserve loans $85 billion just to keep them afloat long enough to sell off their assets. The Treasury department gets 80% of the proceeds of the sale.

What the hell is going on here?

It seems pretty simple to me. The housing market has been inflated for a long time. Our homes are not worth what we think they are. It was nice when you could buy a house, keep it for two years, sell for twice your purchase price, buy a more expensive house, then repeat.

Unfortunately it's a game of musical chairs. Actually it's more like a pyramid scam. It sounds great, but it eventually comes crashing down.

We've been borrowing so much money over the past years it has become big business. Banks are making a lot of money off our loans. Wall Street is trading the stocks of these lenders. Brokerage houses are making a lot of money. Everything is hunky dory…until people can't pay on their loans anymore.

So, the lending institutions are screwed. Why the brokerages? They have too many positions in the financial stocks. Don't worry though. They hedged their risk. They invested in CDS (Credit Default Swaps). Kind of like an insurance policy. Guess who underwrote them? AIG. Nice.

Now the White House announces a plan to save us all. They want $700 Billion to purchase the bad loans from the banks. The Treasury department would be in control. Sounds cool right?

Here's the problem. It's freaking insane. You can't keep propping up an insolvent system unless you want to go down with it. It's like dealing with rising gas prices by suspending taxes. It does nothing to solve the problem. It actually exacerbates the problem.

The price of gas artificially goes down so demand goes up. Since demand is up and supply is limited, supply goes down, therefore prices go up. Voila. Very nice.

How politicians don't understand this I don't know. How do we lower gas prices. One of two ways; increase supply or decrease demand. We have a limited supply, so the answer is…USE LESS GAS!

What about the financial market crisis. How do we fix that? Here is the problem (in my humble opinion). Just like the housing market our entire economy is built out of smoke and mirrors. We keep moving paper around and patting ourselves on the back because we think we are producing wealth.

We are not. We are borrowing from the future. Don't worry though, it looks like the bill is almost here. Again, how do we fix the problem? One of two ways; produce more or consume less. I don't mean produce more via the Enron model; simply move numbers around until you have a profit.

I mean actually produce more tangible products or services. You know the things we used to make like cars, electronics, planes, machinery, etc. Or we can produce more of the services like landscaping, cleaning, laying brick, etc.

Currently we import the products, and import the slave labor for the services.

I advocate consuming less rather than producing more. We actually produce plenty. Just not in proportion to what we consume.

One thing I'm pretty sure of though. Gimmicks and tricks won't fix this one. Sorry to be doomy and gloomy on a beautiful Sunday. That's why I stopped paying attention to the news.

Do we really need to work?

2008-09-09T11:04:00.001-04:00

I've been mulling this question around for several years now. Do we really need to work? Now many would argue that I am in no position to ask this question because I don't work much anyway.

I do, however, have a full-time job, so that's kind of like work. The obvious answer is of course we do. How else will we earn the money we need to survive?

My next question is how much money (if any at all) do we need to survive?

I have had times in my life when I have earned very little money and times when I have earned substantially more money. I can find no correlation between satisfaction and money.

I've been happy and unhappy with money. I've been happy and unhappy while broke.

Don't get me wrong. I like having money. I just don't like working. Most people I know don't like working. Yet most people I know (including myself) keep accumulating obligations which ensure that they must continue to work.

Houses, cars, toys, boats, vacations. I'm big on vacations, but think about it. You work to earn money to take a vacation, but if you didn't work you wouldn't need one.

I hit a tipping point a few years ago when I was considering hiring a lawn-care company to take care of my yard. I really liked taking care of my yard, but I was too busy.

So I was considering going to work at something I didn't particularly enjoy to earn money to pay someone to do something I did enjoy. Freaking nuts, right?

I ended up quitting my job and starting my own company. It didn't change anything though. I still accumulated obligations that had to be met. The job changed but the problem remained.

I was working for money, which has no inherent value.

If I owned a lawn-care business I would get sick of taking care of lawns. Is it because I would get tired of it? I don't think so.

If I'm taking care of my own lawn I'm not doing it for money. It's not work. I enjoy it. I do it for the satisfaction it gives me. I do it because I like to see the flowers bloom that I have planted.

If someone pays me it becomes work.

So, again I ask, do we really need to work?

We are all insane!

2008-09-01T16:25:00.001-04:00

It's been a whirlwind of a week, my friends. I've been on the road and at sea for the past seven days. Some business, some pleasure, all enlightening.

I started the week driving from Jacksonville to Pensacola for a little business. My colleague and I decided to take in dinner, drinks, and music at the Fish House overlooking the Pensacola bay.

I got to listen to some pretty good live, acoustic guitar music while watching the gulls play in the sunset. Other than the overpriced drinks and insane people it was great.

Now I've known for a long time that I am completely off my rocker. I've come to the conclusion that everyone else is as well. Here is an excerpt from the conversation two guys were having beside me (actually it was more like a monologue).

Guy 1: Look at the Romans. They had dignity. They had honor.

Guy 2: Nods in agreement.

Guy 1: I mean, cmon. Web Developers are a bunch of pussies!

I am not making this up.

So, then I go on a little weekend cruise to the Bahamas. I'm seated for dinner at a table with two other couples. One couple was celebrating their twenty second wedding anniversary. Here is how our conversation went.

Her: Are you planning on going on any shore excursions?

Me: I'm not much of a planner.

Her: We're going on blah, blah, blah (I wasn't really paying attention).

Me: I don't book anything through the cruise line. You can usually find a better deal just by walking around.

Her: Yea. You can Jew them down.

Me: Can I see a wine list, please.

I swear I am not making this up.

Across from me the next couple was celebrating the husband's birthday. The waiter brings a cake. Honest to God this is how the conversation went.

Waiter: You have to make a wish.

Birthday man: I don't know what to wish for.

Waiter: Why don't you wish for a hummer.

Me: Choking on my wine.

Birthday Man's Wife: I don't know. With the price of gas these days?

Me: The wine comes out the nose.

If I'm lying I'm dying.

Why live in a disaster area?

2008-08-22T12:31:00.001-04:00

Our little girl Fay got me thinking. Why do people live in places where a hurricane could come through and wipe them out at any time? I’ve had people ask me that before, and my answer has always been “I aint scared of no Hurricanes!”

I have, however, wondered the same thing about people who live in areas prone to mudslides, tornadoes, earthquakes, blizzards, falling rocks, and alien abductions.

I found myself asking the question about a half dozen times while traveling across the US. Why would anyone want to live here?

Is it because it’s home, because we’re accustomed to it, or because we fear only that which we do not know?

The fact is that most of us don’t consciously and deliberately choose where we would like to live. If we did where would we go?

I’d go to the beach, but I guess that proves my point.

The Weatherman's Conspiracy

2008-08-20T22:43:00.001-04:00

So you think the storm is coming do you? For most of my life I've lived in Florida. I grew up here. I've seen hurricane warning after hurricane warning. Frankly, I'm a little tired of it. You've cried wolf one too many times, Mr. "Meteorologist".

Before you call me an insensitive nut, let me clarify my position. Hurricanes are real and powerful and can potentially bring enormous destructive power to a community. We should be wary of them.

My problem is with the guys who are always telling us they know where it's going.

They start telling you the "projected path" about a month before it's much more than a gust. Most of them never make landfall. They "change course".

It cracks me up when the weatherman says the storm changed course. No it didn't. It just took a different course from the one you said it would.

But it's not just the weatherman. It's the entire network. It's about the ratings and all of us dumb Floridians, along with half of the inhabitants of the landlocked states, are glued to the local news or the weather channel.

Breaking News!!! A tropical depression is forming in the middle of the Atlantic. Who the hell cares! Get back to me when you want me to pack up my stuff. It's a little crazy you gotta admit.

So, the weatherman is in on it. The networks are in on it. The schools are in on it too! I still remember Hugo. You remember Hugo don't you? I was a young lad, but I remember that I got out of school for Hugo.

I played football in the front yard. It was beautiful outside.

So, I've decided it's a conspiracy with the "meteorologist" as its front man. I think the local governments are involved as well. They get to declare a state of emergency if it starts to drizzle. A little media exposure never can hurt in politics.

They declare a state of emergency so we will be prepared you may say. But are we prepared? Hell no, we're too busy watching the weather channel or buying milk. I've never understood why milk is so instrumental in weathering any type of storm, but apparently you won't make it without it (I'm sure it has nothing to do with Wal-Mart or the dairy council).

So, you can go on telling me about the storm, Mr. Weatherman, but I'm not buying it anymore. Storm, Schmorm. If anyone needs me, I'll be in my bunker.

Road Trip '08

2008-07-16T14:08:00.001-04:00

The day is fast approaching, my friends, when Granpap and I embark on our trek across the good ole US of A. Having no set destinations will make me extremely dangerous since I will have complete freedom to follow my impulses.

We're heading out on Friday afternoon. As usual I will be packing on either Thursday night or Friday (most likely Friday). Granpap has made numerous attempts to get me to start collecting my belongings with no luck so far.

I haven't yet decided whether or not I'll be communicating with the outside world during these two weeks. I'm thinking of going completely off the grid. It's been a long time since I have gone for two weeks without the internet. How the times have changed in the last decade or so.

So what will we do during the voyage for entertainment?

I want to ask a lot of people a simple question. What is the meaning of life? Why are we here? How should we spend our time here? Does it matter how we spend our time here?

I'm very interested in peoples' responses.

We're starting out our trip visiting some friends whom I can't wait to hear their answer. Both are writers. Both have lived through some interesting experiences (touring with the Rolling Stones for example).

I thought they could help get us off on the right foot.

After that we head up through the Smokies, on to Ohio, over to Colorado, through the Grand Canyon, into Hollywood, then back across to the Atlantic. We plan on making all our money back as we roll through Vegas (I have vowed to come back single this time).

Although I'm not much of a planner, I have managed to put together a list of the top risks we face on the trip along with mitigation plans for each.

Risk: Granpap is eaten by a bear.

Mitigation Strategy: Keep Granpap's wallet in my sleeping bag.

Risk: We get robbed and beaten.

Mitigation Strategy: Keep a Nun Habit for use in dangerous areas.

Risk: Granpap spends all the gas money in Vegas.

Mitigation Strategy: Carry a siphoning hose with the supplies.

Other than these issues what could go wrong? If any of you have any advice for us as we hit the trails please comment, and I will definitely keep you in mind as I ignore whatever it is you advise. If you know the meaning of life, feel free to comment as well. It might save me a trip.

Who do you really know?

2008-07-06T12:05:00.001-04:00

I've long wondered about the way people act toward foreigners. Not only toward foreigners from other countries or continents but also toward foreigners from other cultures or ethnicities. It seems that one of two things happens. We either form some judgment one way or another, or we react with sincere inquisitiveness.

I wonder mostly about the second group. Did you ever wonder why we are more easily able to be open-minded with someone from another culture? We can look at some parts of the Southern US community as consisting of rednecks or hicks, yet we may say that other such pockets of culture in the world speak a "regional dialect".

I started thinking about this as I was planning my upcoming road trip. I joined a site called CouchSurfing.net (awesome site by the way) to help meet some interesting folks along the way. It was amazing to see the hospitality that these people show as well as their willingness to meet all kinds of people.

So I'm thinking "Would all these guys be as willing to meet the guy across the block?" I think we realize that we don't fully understand other cultures, so we find it easier to refrain from judging them. We don't really understand the Cambodian refuge's experience, nor do we understand the Chinese student's perspective.

So, we listen with an open mind at what they have to say. We ask questions. We try to empathize.

We find it much more difficult to do this when dealing with our neighbor, our child, our spouse. We understand their situation. There is no need to try to empathize with their experience.

So, here's the question. Do we really understand any other person's experience? What if we treated each person as an exotic foreigner with gifts of perspective to share?

Hard to imagine isn't it?

The 1st Annual Brown Family Independence Day Triathlon

2008-07-05T17:00:00.001-04:00

We were sitting around Thursday night trying to decide what to do for the fourth of July. The decision was slightly complicated by the fact that I am just about broke. What can we do for free entertainment we all wondered. Fortunately, I had an idea…a triathlon.

Three sports testing the intellect, athleticism, and endurance of the contestants. The games would consist of Badminton, Croquet, and Ladderball. Annie would be the event planner. Granpap, Big A, Ethan, and Alex would take the field. To the victor would go the spoils…a paper machete medal and a week of being able to choose what we watch on TV.

The Planner

The Contestants

The Games

Badminton and Ladderball would be battled out in a double-elimination tournament. Seeding was determined by drawing numbers out of a hat. The championship for each would consist of a best-of-three match.

Croquet would be played in two games. The first would be
played by all four contestants. The top two would play in a two-ball championship game.

Scoring

Here's how we determined our winner. The winner of an event earned 100 points, second place got 75, and third received 50. The last place finisher took a goose egg. Add all of the scores and voila, we have a winner.

How it panned out

Alex was a big talker the night before. He projected the final rankings at Alex, Big A, Ethan, Granpap. We started off on Badminton.

Qualifying Round: Badminton

Alex opened up with a big win over Ethan. Big A took care of Granpap in the opening round and pulled off the upset in Game 2 by knocking off Alex. Ethan put a hurtin' on Granpap in his loser's bracket game, and tempers began to flare. Facing elimination Ethan knocked off Alex for a chance to play for the championship later that night against his pop. Alex clinched third place and Granpap failed to show.

Qualifying Round: Ladderball

It was a grudge match for the ladderball championship. Again Big A muscled through everyone to the championship game. Granpap kept it close, and knocked off Ethan to go the championship. Alex was still reeling from his badminton loss and failed to place. Ethan nailed down third.

Qualifying Round: Croquet

Big A stumbled out of the gate, but quickly recovered to take the lead. The remaining three contestants battled it out with Ethan nosing in for the second place finish, and the opportunity to compete in his second event championship. Alex edged out Granpap to take third place.

The Championships

We opened up with the best-of-three championship for Badminton. Fatigue began to set in and Ethan pulled the stunning upset in three games to hand Big A his first defeat of the day.

Big A continued his skid as Granpap defeated him in two games to take first place in Ladderball. This would put Big A and Ethan in a tie for first with Granpap and Alex in a tie for third. It would all come down to the Croquet championship for Big A and Ethan. Granpap and Alex were forced into a Ladderball tiebreaker.

The third time was the charm for Big A as he blasted Ethan in the Croquet finals. Granpap made easy work of Alex and the stage was set for the closing ceremonies.

Closing Ceremony

We started out with an amazing rendition of The Star Spangled Banner by Annie. There wasn't a dry eye in the place.

National Anthem

Afterwards it was time to announce the winners. Annie again served as our Master of Ceremonies. Here's how it went down.

Award Ceremony

We capped off the night with a steak dinner (veggies for me), and a fireworks show in the front yard. Not a bad event considering it was planned the night before. Special thanks to our event planner, Annie, as well as to our four contestants.

Tune in next year when we do it all again. I'm sure they'll all be gunning for Big A, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

Why I went Vegan

2008-06-30T19:57:00.001-04:00

What made you decide to go Vegan? I've been asked this question many times, and it always gives me pause. I figured I'd try to answer it; for myself as much as for any who might wonder.

Once again, I must credit Cat as my inspiration to write this. She brought to my attention several historic figures who embraced vegetarianism in theory if not in practice. Some names on the list, quite frankly, shocked me.

Albert Einstein, Leonardo de Vinci, Benjamin Franklin, Pythagoras, Socrates, Plato, and the list goes on. We're talking about some serious thinkers here. Why did they embrace vegetarianism? Let's ask Einstein.

"So I am living without fats, without meat, without fish, but am feeling quite well this way. It always seems to me that man was not born to be a carnivore." -March 30, 1954

Pythagoras was slightly more blunt in his reasoning:

"As long as man continues to be the ruthless destroyer of lower living beings he will never know health or peace. For as long as men massacre animals, they will kill each other. Indeed, he who sows the seed of murder and pain cannot reap joy and love." - attributed by Ovid

Some of them viewed the issue as a moral imperative, while others simply wondered if there was a better way. I tend to think more in terms of a better way. We all know that I'm not big on moral imperatives.

The question of right or wrong, to me, is irrelevant. Is it wrong to crush a rose blossom underneath your boot? Is it wrong to cage an animal? Is it wrong to kill a mockingbird?

The questions that I asked were not of right or wrong, but of my fundamental place in existence? Is it necessary for me to eat flesh? Am I a carnivore; a devourer? Is this how I wish to participate in the dance of life?

These are the questions I pose whenever I begin to doubt my experiment, and, though I never hear an answer, my appetite seems to fade away.

A Little Ditty

2008-06-29T17:10:00.000-04:00

Flowers bloom for a time, sharing their beauty and fragrance with the world. The world sips of their splendor then casts them away without a thought.

Drunk with pleasure, they seek the blossom which no longer exists, as they trample that which remains.

The King is Dead

2008-06-23T15:18:00.001-04:00

I was saddened to hear that my good buddy George Carlin left us this weekend. He wasn’t really my good buddy, but I sure loved to listen to him rant. He was sacrilegious, arrogant, insightful, and painfully blunt; some of my favorite qualities in a fellow human being.

If you have ever listened to him chances are he said something to offend you. Whether rambling on religion, politics, family, marriage or sports; he knew how to get under peoples’ skin.

Like all of the great ones, though, it was difficult to find a flaw in his reasoning. You might not like what he said or how he said it, but it was damn sure hard to point out why.

So, today the world may be a little less cynical. It may be a little more comfortable. It may be a little less blasphemous.

I, for one, am going to miss the old bastard.

Karma according to Big A

2008-06-23T12:46:00.000-04:00

Many apologies to my Buddhist friends, because I am about to completely bastardize the concept of Karma. Let's just call it Akarma, or "Karma according to Big A".

Have you ever noticed how situations tend to repeat themselves in your life? If you step back and look at your life circumstances you will see the same patterns repeating. Why is this? Do we seek out the familiar? Are we subconsciously drawn to a pattern?

I think its Karma. Granted, my insights into Karma come mainly from watching "My Name is Earl" on TV. Still I feel like I have a handle on the concept.

I think Karma is the simple repetition of situations in our life that we haven't adequately worked through. If we haven't solved the puzzle, we get it again in a different form. We can get it over and over again for our entire lives if we don't eventually figure it out. Then maybe we get it in our next life; I don't know.

Once we deal with a situation, and I mean really deal with it. We don't see it again. What's up with that?

"Those who don't learn from history are destined to repeat it." Is it really that simple?

A Father’s Day Story

2008-06-15T14:10:00.001-04:00

"No one appreciates me" he thought as he stared at the unwashed dishes in the sink. The kitchen was a complete disaster, and the living room wasn't much better. Dirty socks and underwear littered the floor reminding him of a high school locker room.

"Take 'em off wherever you see fit. Dear ole dad will pick them up, wash them out, and deposit them in your drawer." At least that's how he imagined they thought. Or maybe they thought the laundry fairy picked them up while they slept. Who knew what went through their little minds.

Today should be different, though. It was Father's day for crying out loud. If they couldn't help out just a little on this day maybe they didn't care at all.

"You sure are a martyr." came the chiding voice in his head. "Oh poor me, my children are slobs" his inner voice cackled. "What exactly did you think you were signing up for?"

Not this, that was for sure. He'd pictured this day quite differently before his children had arrived. He would awaken to the scrumptious aroma of a gourmet breakfast being prepared complete with juice, toast, coffee, and maybe some fresh fruit on the side.

As he drifted home from the land of nod he would see three smiling faces sitting around him. After they all expressed their gratitude for all of his hard work they would scuttle off to clean up as he ate his breakfast in peace.

Instead he awoke to the sound of the television spouting whatever the popular nonsense was these days; the house in disarray, the children sullen. Happy Father's day, yippee!

He cooked breakfast amongst the clamor of his offspring. "Dad" shouted the youngest 'he won't let me watch my show!"

Another argument. Surprise, surprise. If he went a full five minutes without hearing one he might think he had wandered into the wrong house.

So he carried on as usual on that day; refereeing arguments, wiping tears, entertaining the boisterous and unruly mob.

He took them to the movie theater in the afternoon; a short respite from the stifling heat and incessant bickering. They shared a candy bar in the lobby and fought over who got the biggest piece. They argued over who got to ride in the front seat of the car, then switched to arguing over who got to ride in the back.

He carried on that day just like any other; except this day he felt a little resentful.

He cooked them supper, a delicious meal of lima beans and cornbread. "Do I have to eat beans?" someone asked with no small amount of disdain in their voice.

Feed them, bathe them, put them to bed. "Another Father's day goes down in the books" he thought as he kissed their foreheads and turned out the light.

As he stood in the doorway absorbed in self pity, a small voice brought him back. "Dad" it called. "Yes, my son" he automatically replied.

"Happy Father's Day." said a sleepy eyed boy "I'm glad you're my dad." His father smiled and as his eyes welled with tears he answered, "Me too, Son. Me too."

Road Trip ’08

2008-06-07T09:37:00.000-04:00

As some of you already know I have been planning (I use planning in a very loose sense.) a cross country trip for a few months now. The details are starting to come into focus, so I thought I'd give everyone an update. Here's the plan.

Granpap and I will be heading out on Saturday, July 19th. The trip will last approximately two weeks. The destination: Nowhere. That's right. We are going on a trip to nowhere. Well, not exactly nowhere. I have an approximate route that we plan on generally following, but other than a few points of interest we have no set destination. Here's the general route.

So, here's the good news about not having a set destination. If you play your cards right you could become one of our destinations! Exciting proposition, I know. You see, this is a sort of minimalistic adventure for me. We'll be stopping at campgrounds along the way, sleeping in a tent, and eating out of a cooler for most of the trip. If any of my supportive and gracious friends would like to supply us with food and/or lodging for a night on our trip...Well, let's just say I wouldn't turn it down.

OK. I probably won't actually work for food, but I will entertain you with tales from the road. Most will be total fabrications, but they will be interesting nonetheless. If you are interested in a house or dinner guest for a night let me know. Throw in a shower and I'll include your name in one of my tall tales from the road.

Now some of you may be thinking "What about the G-man? Can he handle himself on the open road with Adam?"

Never fear. I promise to take good care of him and deliver him safely home in a couple weeks. We already have a contingency plan in the works in case of any unforseen conflicts. Right now, the negotiations are at a standstill over the issue of a plane or a greyhound bus (which I argued is just more fun). I feel confident that we will iron this out, and I really don't forsee us needing to resort to the backup plan. (We also have another backup plan in case of low cash-flow. Granpap will take his guitar to the streets to collect a little cash. If that doesn't work I plan on selling him to a dude ranch.)

So, while the details are still a little fuzzy, the grand scheme has been put into motion. We're coming for you America. Are you ready?

Fun with clouds

2008-06-02T09:49:00.000-04:00

Do you ever play with clouds? My kids and I do this from time to time. We look up at the clouds and talk about what we see. There are all kinds of things up there. We see dogs, elephants, horses, carriages, cars, buildings, you name it; we see it.

The part that is most fun is trying to see what someone else sees. "Can't you see it, Dad?" they will ask. "See his trunk?" Then I see it.

I was thinking about this today. If we played this game like we play most other games in life the conversation would be much different. It would go something like this.

Me: "See that elephant?"

You: "That's not an elephant. It's a truck."

Me: "No it's not. It has a trunk."

You: "Trucks have trunks."

Me: "Not that kind of trunk."

You: "Well it obviously has wheels. Elephants don't have wheels."

Me: "You are clueless."

You: "You're delusional."

The problem isn't that one person is wrong and the other is right. Both are right and neither is right. One problem is the unwillingness to look at something from another's perspective. Why are we unwilling? I don't really know. I think the issue is more fundamental. We don't realize that perspective is all there is. There is no elephant. There is no truck. Yet we see it, so it does exist. Or does it?

The simple recognition of the nature of what we experience takes a lot of the fight out of you. It seems silly to argue over mentally constructed images formed by transitory clouds. So, why do we argue? I think those eastern mystics were on to something.

Interview with a maniac

2008-05-31T06:59:00.000-04:00

I made it through another job interview. I was pretty nervous about this one, and I don't really know why. It was an internal interview. I already have a job. The worst they can say is "No thanks." So why was I nervous? I'm not really sure. I guess it's normal, but that answer isn't all that satisfying to me.

It was a panel interview for one thing. Now, I normally would prefer a panel interview to one on one. I have done better in the past with the panels. I think it's actually a little more nerve-racking to do this type of interview internally than with an outside company. Why? I guess I always think "If I really screw it up so what. I'll never see these people again." It's a little different when you are interviewing with people that you will be working with no matter the outcome of the process.

But I made it through. I have no idea of the outcome. I can only say that I didn't completely embarrass myself (I don't think). I did completely blank on a few questions, but I figured I would. The entire interview was geared around competencies, so the questions went something like "Tell me a time when you demonstrated 'so and so' competency. How were you able to do this?"

This type of questioning isn't all that compatible with my Swiss cheese memory. I muddled through, however, and finally came up with answers to everything. It did require a rambling answer at times until my brain finally found an experience filed away.

But back to why I was so concerned in the first place. My son lost a couple of baseball games this week. Ethan is a very talented athlete, and he played really well in both games. He is also very competitive. He was really upset Thursday night when I talked to him, so I was thinking about how to help him yesterday before my interview. "You don't need to be the best at everything. You can't win every game." I thought of telling him.

Then I laughed, and I told myself instead. By the way, Ethan hit a home run in his last game friday night. They won 12 - 5. I'll let you know next week if I fared as well.

Water cooler causes man’s head to explode

2008-05-29T18:59:00.000-04:00

This water cooler is bugging me. I know this is not normal. I keep thinking about how the water heater works, and it's really starting to annoy me. I googled some stuff about water heaters to no avail. I know what you're thinking. Who cares?

ME!

I was assuming it had some type of reservoir that heated the water, which I still think it does. The water, however, "gurgles" down into the reservoir while you're dispensing the hot water. I can't imagine that the cold water is mixing directly with the hot water in the reservoir as you're dispensing, so I'm guessing there is some type of "intermediate chamber". Sort of like getting in and out of a submarine.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to be taking apart a water cooler in the near future. If anyone knows how this thing works let me know. Sometimes I end up with extra parts after I put things back together.

The new water cooler is here! The new water cooler is here!

2008-05-28T19:17:00.001-04:00

My water cooler arrived today! That's right. My own personal water cooler from Culligans with clear cold bottled water. But that's not all. It has a hot water tank too. I can now drink my herbal tea without boiling water. This is gonna be sweet!

Now you may be confused with this after reading my last blog. "Why, Adam" you may wonder "would you be getting a water cooler after talking about eliminating things you don't need?" That's a good question. I have several answers.

1. I really need a water cooler.

2. I am consistently inconsistent in my ramblings.

3. The rules do not apply to me.

Combining these three facts I am reasonably sure that the rental was justified. I put it in Granpap's name, so I may not pay the bill anyway. So that's the scoop. Cheerio. I'm off to have a spot of tea.

Things that everyone needs

2008-05-26T10:34:00.000-04:00

I've been trying to eliminate things in my life that I don't really need. Well, not things that I don't need per se. I don't need a big screen TV, guitar, or playstation. What I'm actually trying to do is eliminate things that add no value to my life. You'd be surprised how many things you have in your life than add only hassle. Here are a few things that everyone needs…I just can't quite figure out why.

Automobile floor mats: These are possibly the most annoying necessities that I have ever encountered. They bunch up, collect dirt, and give you one more thing to vacuum out. I recently trashed mine, and it feels sweet!

Personal libraries: I used to have a large one, but not anymore (feel free to insert joke here). How many times have you reread a book? After moving my dozens of boxes of books more times than I want to think about I decided to stop buying them. I loved having a library, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out any good reason. Public libraries are da bomb! Take what you like and bring it back whenever. They charge like a nickel a day if you're late.

Kitchen gadgets: I know it's really cool to have an apple slicer, onion chopper, and garlic press, but I've discovered the coolest gadget ever. It can do everything that these can do and more. It's called a knife.

Manicured lawns: The cardinal rule of subdivision dwelling is never ever let a weed grow in your lawn. You ever wonder what makes St. Augustine grass inherently better than dandelions? I have. If anyone knows please fill me in.

Memorabilia: I'm kind of sentimental about stuff like this. I hate throwing away little things like coach's gifts that my team has given me, or drawings that my kids have made. What do you do with those things though? Put them in boxes and move them around until you die?

Workout equipment: I've bought the junk before. I don't know why. I have about 200 pounds of workout equipment that I carry around every day. There are so many exercises that can be done with your body weight. Running, Tai Chi, Yoga, pushups, sit-ups, swimming, etc.

Landlines: This may elicit a "duh" from the young whippersnappers, but is there any sane reason that anyone should have a hard telephone line in their home anymore?

Now I'm not about self denial. I think people should do and have anything that they enjoy. I'm pretty sure though that a lot of our possessions add absolutely no joy to our lives. Of course you may be thinking you don't really need this blog…or do you? Mwah, ha, ha, ha (evil laugh).

Who wants a nut?

2008-05-24T14:46:00.000-04:00

If you can't see the humor in life you're just not looking. Here's my story. I went to Hemming Park for my Seekers meeting today. I was expecting a good turnout, but it ended up being just Bucky and me. We're standing around talking and Bucky says "What's wrong with that squirrel?" I look around and there is a squirrel lying in the middle of the park on the brick pavers.

We walk over to check it out, and the squirrel appears hurt. He has blood all over his nose and face, and he couldn't seem to move his legs very well. He could just sort of scoot a little bit. He must have fallen out of a tree onto the brick pavers. After a little discussion I decide to take him home with me, and see what happens. I figure I could try to nurse him back to health then let him go.

I pick him up and carry him to my jeep. He's moving around a little, but not much. I put him in the passenger seat and he scoots around a little bit, but once he gets comfortable he just lays there looking around. So, off I go to pick up my kids from my sister's house.

The entire trip I've been putting my hand on the squirrel and petting him. Frankly, I didn't think he was going to make it. His breathing had slowed down considerably from when I picked him up the first time. I turn onto this little dirt road to Kelly's house and he starts crawling a little on the seat.

I figure the bumpy road is scaring him, so I stop the jeep, pick him up and put him on my lap. He then starts crawling on my leg. He's no longer scooching mind you. He's climbing on my leg. I start to worry a little bit now. He wasn't biting or scratching earlier, but he wasn't climbing then either. If he got his crawling sense back I figure maybe he got his scratching and biting senses as well.

I slowly open the door, but he doesn't do anything. He just hangs onto my shorts. I get out of the jeep and he climbs onto my back. I'm standing in the middle of this dirt road beside my jeep with a squirrel climbing on my back. I just start laughing at this point. Let's face it. That's some pretty funny stuff.

I lean against a bush trying to get him to climb off of me, but he just climbs up on top of my shoulder. I didn't think he was going to bite me at this point, so I reach up and take him off of my shoulder. He didn't fight me, but he kept clutching my shirt with his paws. I put him on the ground by the side of the road, and off he scrambles like nothing was ever wrong with him.

So there is a new squirrel in the Yulee neighborhood. I told the kids that maybe he had family in those woods and just needed a ride home. He didn't have to be so dramatic about it though. Good luck little guy, and watch those long jumps.

21 days with no meat

2008-05-22T16:20:00.000-04:00

I have to admit that I have an issue that I have struggled with for a while now. I've gone back and forth, rationalized, justified and tried to sort it out with not much luck. So, as always when I struggle with an issue, I have decided to jump in with both feet. I'm not saying this strategy works any better than any other, but it's how I roll (how long did it take for that expression to get corny?)

So, I'm going on a vegan trial run. How did I come to this decision? I've been a carnivore for my entire life, and I have to admit that I really like to eat meat. I like to eat dairy even more. I've known for a long time that a vegan lifestyle is far healthier than a carnivorous one, but let's face it. I'm not really a health nut. Nobody is going to live forever, and I don't see much point in trying. What really made me think seriously about going vegan is the factory farming debacle.

I won't go into the entire ethical, social, and health issues associated with factory farming. If you can access this blog you can find out more than you would ever care to learn about it. I can promise that you will be disturbed if you spend any time researching factory farms. I almost wish that I never had. It's like getting a job at your favorite restaurant. After you see the inner workings of the beast you may never eat there again.

So here is my plan. How long does it take to create a habit? Some web site said 21 days, so I'm going with that. I figure surely I can do anything for 21 days. At the end I can decide whether to continue or not. How tough can it be to go without meat and dairy for 3 weeks?

Those of you that know me well may be doubters. I don't blame you. I lasted approximately 12 hours on the Atkins diet one time. I've quit smoking so many times that I tell people how easy it is. I change jobs at the drop of a hat, and sometimes I'll borrow your hat and drop it. In other words, I'm not really a stick-with-it kind of guy. But I'm giving it the old college try. Can I do it? Stay tuned.