Cold weather blues

Maybe it’s just me, but this cold weather is starting to get me down. I know I live in Florida and I shouldn’t complain, but it’s freaking cold outside!

I have come to the distinct conclusion that human beings are not meant to live in the cold. Let’s quantify what I mean by cold. Anything lower than about 60 degrees fahrenheit (15 Celcius for my Canadian friends) is too cold for human habitation.

Let’s look at it logically. Our bodies are trying to stay around 98 degrees. We have no fur, so I’m guessing we are meant to live in an ambiant temperature of around 70 degrees or warmer (this was calculated using my normal method of pulling a number out of my ass).

Now, I realize that most of the United States gets much colder than 70 degrees for much of the year. I propose that we take up hibernation. Let’s all say together “Hell, no. We won’t go!” to the demons of winter. I think I’d be pretty happy hibernating from December to March each year.

Alternatively, I think we should try to exploit the whole global warming thing. I know we don’t want to melt the polar ice caps and everything, but can’t we stand taking the global temperature up a few notches? I propose we stop trying to halt global warming and try to figure out how to speed it up a little bit. Couldn’t we all agree that turning up the global thermastat a few degrees would benefit us all?

Some may be skeptical of my plan. After all, I read that the suicide rate increases when the weather rises above 65 degrees. There are a lot of people on the planet, though. I think the risk is completely justified. I’m guessing that the folks offing themselves in warmer temperatures are mostly Canadians anyway.