That is so Twilight

I’ve been trying to avoid this, but I can’t help myself any longer. I have to talk about the Twilight series.

Yes, I read all of the books. Thanks to my sister who literally left them on my doorstep. I must admit that I couldn’t stop reading once I got started. It was like eating a bag of potato chips. You’re not even hungry, but you can’t stop eating!

So I now have a new word in my vocabulary. Whenever something is sickeningly sappy I refer to it as being “Twilight”. You know like a girl that lays down on the ground in the woods crying hysterically over a boy leaving her. So twilight.

But this isn’t my biggest gripe with the books. My biggest gripe is…well let’s just see if you can figure it out. Here are a list of signs that your favorite author might just be a Mormon.

Young girls and old dudes

Yea, Edward looks young, but the guys is like a hundred years old. It’s kind of creepy. Seventeen year old girls got on my nerves when I was seventeen. I can’t imagine being interested in them after a century.

The school looks like “Leave it to Beaver”

What kind of school is this? No partying? No sex, drugs, or rock and roll? Not even any vulgar language. Not very believable.

Watch that premarital sex

It’s okay to become one of the undead, but you better not have sex until you tie the knot.

Imprinting (are you kidding me?)

This is perhaps the most disturbing concept in the series. Adults “imprint” on children which basically marks them for marriage. Oh, but it’s not sick in any way. It’s a wholesome love until they become an adult. Creepy, creepy, creepy.

I know there are a lot of you Twilight fans out there, so I apologize if I offend. I felt like I ate too many double cheese burgers at McDonalds when I was finished reading. They taste good, but when you’re done you think “Why did I eat so much of that crap?”

Maybe it’s just me but the books were so…uh…they were very….um…twilight.